GILT TRIP

Trump Signs Bonkers Scheme to Keep Oval Office Tacky Forever

The president seemed awfully concerned that unnamed bad actors might “do something” to his trinket-filled office.

President Donald Trump has declared his tacky, gold-filled Oval Office a national monument.

Trump, 80, signed the proclamation just two days after voters delivered a resounding rebuke of his administration amid mounting cost-of-living concerns.

STICKY FINGERS

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But rather than address those concerns—which the billionaire president has dismissed as a “hoax”—Trump has turned his attention back to his vanity projects, admiring his under-construction White House ballroom on Wednesday before shifting his focus to the Oval Office and its gaudy gold trim, trinkets, and decor.

“We’re making it a national monument, and it will not be allowed to be touched by anybody,” the president, known for affixing gold items to the walls with super glue, told reporters on Thursday.

But the proclamation, which designates the Oval Office, Outer Oval Office, and Cabinet Room as a national monument, explicitly states that future presidents can still redecorate. That means Trump’s successor could strip away all the ostentatious additions he has made—and may continue to make.

“Nothing in this proclamation shall be construed to restrict the President’s authority to redecorate the monument, select furnishings, or make ordinary operational and security modifications that do not substantially impair the monument’s historic structure or architectural character,” it states.

Trump also warned of unnamed individuals who might want to “take it down,” despite offering no evidence that anyone was actually planning to do so.

“The Oval Office and Cabinet Room are very important spaces, and I’m going to be signing a document which will make them a landmark for the ages. It won’t be able to be taken down, destroyed, touched, or anything else,” said the man who tore down the East Wing of the White House without congressional approval.

The proclamation “will make it impossible for anybody ever to destroy this incredible space,” Trump continued.

“We won World War II, we won World War I, we won a lot of things, we built a country largely—in modern—the country as we know it, the modern country, and we certainly had some good years during my, so far, six years, and I just thought it was very important that nobody be allowed to come in and take it down and try and do something with it, because every once in a while they’ll look and they’ll say, ‘Oh, maybe what we’ll do is we’ll put some glass that’s a little bit better or something.’ And I’d say, ‘No, you’re not going to do anything.’ We’re going to leave this as it is.”

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The White House did not immediately respond to a request for comment.

Trump is about to face substantial Democratic majorities in Congress during his lame-duck period, meaning he may be more likely to resort to executive actions like Thursday’s proclamation to fulfill his desires. A Democratic successor, of course, could easily reverse it.

Trump’s proclamation comes amid reports that he focused more on cementing his legacy than on domestic affairs in the lead-up to the midterms.

His growing list of Washington, D.C.-area projects includes the Kennedy Center, the U.S. Institute of Peace, and the White House ballroom, which he reportedly plans to name after himself.

The president is also pushing for a triumphal arch across the Potomac River in Arlington, Virginia—a structure that top administration officials Pete Hegseth and Markwayne Mullin insist would be ideal for national defense.

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