GAG REFLEX

Trump’s Birthday Card to Epstein Made Jon Stewart ‘Throw Up in My Own Mouth’

“Every line in that card sounds like the password you have to use to get into the orgy in ‘Eyes Wide Shut’,” the late-night host quipped.

Donald Trump’s in the headlines over a birthday greeting he’s alleged to have sent pedophile sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein—and Jon Stewart, for one, is feeling nauseated. “‘Every day is another wonderful secret,’” the Daily Show host said Monday night, quoting from the letter. “I f---ing threw up in my own mouth on that one.” The note, allegedly created as part of album celebrating Epstein’s 50th birthday in 2003, was reported on Thursday by The Wall Street Journal, which Trump is now suing for the insane sum of $10 billion, calling the note “fake,” “false,” and “malicious.” Whatever Trump’s outrage over the note, Stewart says he couldn’t help but gag just reading its contents, which apparently also feature a rudimentary sketch of a naked woman. “Every line in that card sounds like the password you have to use to get into the orgy in Eyes Wide Shut‚” he said. “How much must it have sucked to be the next guy in the office that had to sign that Epstein birthday card—‘You want me to just… you want me to sign it right by the pubic hair, or just by the little t---ies?’”

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