During a CPAC that has produced the expected maelstrom of cynicism and garden-variety terrible, one man ensured a wildly Biblical, passionately anti-sex level of ridiculousness for an attentive crowd.
It wasn’t Rick Santorum—it was Phil Robertson, the Duck Dynasty patriarch of homophobia fame.
In receiving the Andrew Breitbart Defender of the First Amendment Award on Friday afternoon, Robertson delivered a rambling, characteristically contra-fun speech on how to save America, and how to save yourself. He focused on his vision for mass sexual health policy and education (don’t have premarital sex, don’t get the STDs). He shared his thoughts on capitalism (he’s for it). He talked about the Bible and faithful women (he wants you to have both).
“I don’t want you, America, to get sick,” Robertson said, before spouting about steamless sex. “I don’t want you to become ill. I don’t want you to come down with a debilitating disease. I don’t want you to die early. You’re disease-free and she’s disease free, you marry, you keep your sex right there. You won’t get sick from a sexually transmitted disease.”
He describes STDs as the “revenge of the hippies,” for some reason. Watch the vengeful-hippies portion of his remarks below, or whatever:
Wear a condom when you get it on, kids.