Harvard Bans Profs From Banging Students

Harvard University has made it official that professors cannot have sex with undergraduates. As part of a university-wide review of their Title IX policies, Harvard now clearly states that consensual sex between instructors and students are forbidden due to their “unequal status.” This holds even if the professor or instructor does not actually teach the undergraduate. “If you and I are sitting next to each other on a ski lift, and the sparks are flying, and it turns out I’m a professor in the history department, and you’re a senior at the computer science department at Harvard, now we are done,” said Alison Johnson, a history professor who led the policy review. “No more sparks. I ski off to the left, and you ski off to the right.”