The British pop star George Michael was so traumatized by the loss of his first serious boyfriend to AIDS and his mother to cancer that he dismissed his life as a “waste of time” and said he felt “felt picked on by God” in a heartbreaking series of interviews recorded shortly before his death for a new documentary, entitled Freedom, which is due to be screened on British TV next week.
Michael was in the editing suite working on the film just 48 hours before he died on Christmas Day last year.
In the documentary, he reveals his agony over the diagnosis and death of his beloved Anselmo Feleppa, but, according to a report in the Daily Mail, does not mention Fadi Fawaz, his boyfriend who discovered his body.
In the Channel 4 film, Michael says: “I hope people think of me as someone who had some kind of integrity. I hope I’m remembered for that, very unlikely.
“I think it’s all been a waste of time, a waste of effort.”
Michael tells how, at the age of 27, he saw Feleppa in the audience of the Rock in Rio concert and asked staff to introduce them.
“At the front of 160,000 people there was this guy over at the right-hand side of the stage that just fixed me with this look.
“He caught my attention so much that I had to stop going to that corner of the stage, because I was distracted.
“He was so cute. I was so distracted by him. I stayed away from that corner because otherwise I thought I was going to get really distracted and forget the words.”
Michael talks about how his relationship with Feleppa helped him take pride in his sexuality, saying: “It’s very hard to be proud of your own sexuality when it hasn’t brought you any joy. Once it’s associated with joy and love, it’s easy to be proud of who you are.”
However in 1991, Feleppa went for an HIV test in Los Angeles after developing a flu that would not go away.
Michael was in the U.K. for Christmas, and said, “I sat at the Christmas table not knowing whether my partner, who the people around the table did not know about... not knowing whether the man I was in love with was terminally ill.”
The test came back positive. Feleppa died at age 33 in March 1993 after he returned to Brazil for a blood transfusion and suffered a brain hemorrhage.
Following Feleppa’s death, Michael said, “It all goes blurry for a long time. He still, 23 years later, brings a tear to my eye, he was my savior.”
The documentary features interviews with friends, including Kate Moss, Stevie Wonder, Elton John, and Liam Gallagher.
Michael himself is credited as the co-director with his manager David Austin.
The Daily Mail reports that he had been in the editing suite working on the film just two days before his death from a heart condition on Christmas Day last year, at the age of 53.