Just days before Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux announced they are getting hitched, Star magazine blared on its cover that the two lovebirds were “OVER!” From the time Jen apparently got pregnant to when “sources” reported Justin threatened Jen’s ex, Brad Pitt, here's the saga of Jennifer and Justin, as told by tabloid covers.
Just days before the couple announced the impending nuptials, Star magazine announced in the biggest yellow font they could muster that Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux were “OVER!” According to the “world exclusive” story, Justin was caught in bed with a young, blonde hussy, forcing Jen to tell her friends, “I can still be a mom without him.”
Life & Style had a more optimistic take on the saga of Jen and Justin in September 2011. According to this particular “world exclusive,” not only was Aniston pregnant, she was having twins. As evidence, the magazine cited a gust of wind that made Aniston’s shirt look billowy.
OK! magazine celebrated Independence Day this year by reporting that Jennifer had shot down Justin’s marriage proposal. A scruffy-looking Brad Pitt also makes a cameo on the cover (he offered “unexpected advice” to Jen) and, in other news, Rihanna apparently was pregnant that week.
This time last year, InTouch Weekly was busy warning Jennifer that her man was “MR. WRONG.” A source, in this case Theroux’s vaguely Angelina-resembling ex-girlfriend, cited his “criminal past” from under a photo of Theroux with a witchy glint in his eye and lots of hair gel.
While the rest of us are only just congratulating Jen on her engagement, the editors of InTouch knew better. Using a photo of Jennifer in a dress that happened to be white, the magazine announced that Aniston had had a beach wedding. Or wait, was it a holiday wedding? A shotgun wedding? Hold on, they eloped?! Ah, never mind—OK! reported that she’d never remarry because she’d “never find another Brad.”
A month after announcing Theroux as “Mr. Wrong,” InTouch transformed Jennifer’s beau into a regular knight in shining armor, again. Justin evidently proved his prowess by “threatening” Brad Pitt and calling him a “wimp.” Sounds deadly.
She’s pregnant again! That time (last October) OK! mag had proof. We’re talking about “bigger boobs,” a “curvier booty,” and a “telltale bump,” the last cited with a photo of approximately one third of Jen’s belly. We’re unsure why nobody believed them.
Oh, that Angelina. Last September, she set out to “sabotage” Jennifer’s wedding by walking down the aisle first, reported OK! Meanwhile, Brad’s disembodied head floats happily near the bottom of the page.
In January, InTouch eagerly reported that “Jen’s Heartbreak Dumped.” No colon, period, or exclamation mark ever got in the way of good journalism. Keep it up, guys.
OK! magazine’s fan-fiction department declared Jen a forgiving soul in this one, reporting, “Jen Tells Brad: ‘I’ll Take You Back!’” An “emotional face-to-face reunion” (possibly during their “secret trip to Santa Barbara”) was involved, and they threw in some “other lovers” for Angelina, too. Everybody wins!
