KIM JONG EWWWWW

Kim Jong Un Took Private Toilet to Beijing to Prevent DNA Theft

The North Korean dictator is terrified of his poops falling into the wrong hands.

North Korean leader Kim Jong Un traveled to Beijing with a personal toilet in tow and forced his lackeys to erase any trace of his DNA due to fears of it falling into the hands of his enemies, according to intelligence reports. Footage captured in China following the dictator’s bilateral meeting with Vladimir Putin on Tuesday showed two members of his entourage meticulously wiping down every object he touched or interacted with in an attempt to keep even the most minor details about his health or physical condition completely private. “The physical condition of the supreme leader has a major impact on the North Korean regime,” a South Korean intelligence officer told Japanese media. “North Korea makes a particular effort to seal off anything related to that, such as hair and excrement.” A private bathroom located on board Kim’s armored train is also said to be the only toilet he uses during foreign trips, so that his excrement cannot be obtained and studied by intelligence officials. Putin reportedly also does the same, employing a personal “toilet searcher” who collects his bodily waste from toilets during trips abroad.