WOMEN’S RIGHTS

Michelle Wolf Unloads on Anti-Abortion Activists: ‘God Bless Abortions!’

“Some people say abortion is ‘killing a baby,’” the Netflix host said. “It’s not. It’s stopping a baby from happening.”

Netflix/screengrab

This is why it’s so important to have women hosts in late-night television.

In a segment that could never have been delivered by her male counterparts, Michelle Wolf responded to the news of Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy’s retirement on this week’s episode of The Break by clearing up some common misconceptions about abortion in America.

“Although it’s great for his wrinkly head,” Wolf said of Kennedy, “it could be catastrophic for reproductive rights.” Echoing her fellow female late-night host Samantha Bee, she added, “It’s so ironic that Trump could be the guy who ends legal abortion. That dude has been responsible for more abortions than the invention of back alleys.”

“Look, access to abortion is good and important,” she continued. “Some people say abortion is ‘killing a baby.’ It’s not. It’s stopping a baby from happening. It’s like Back to the Future and abortion is the DeLorean.”

Wolf also had a message for those who call themselves “pro-life,” saying that “pro-life is a propaganda term that isn’t real, like healthy ice cream and handsome testicles.” She prefers the term “anti-abortion,” which she equated to “anti-woman.” If they were really “pro-life,” she argued, they would be “fighting hard for health care, child care, education, gun control and protecting the environment.”

“But these anti-abortion people do not care about life, they just care about birth,” she said. “Like, they think that’s the only place you can watch a woman shit on a table.” Noting that about one in four women have an abortion before the age of 45, Wolf said, “Abortions are super common and the stigma is bullshit.”

To any men watching, Wolf said, “I’m sure this brings up a lot of feelings and thoughts and points you want to make, and I just want you to know that’s all very irrelevant,” as the audience cheered. “Abortion is a woman’s right. And I know acknowledging that is hard for some of you, because that would mean you’d also have to acknowledge that women are naturally equipped to do the most powerful thing in the world: give life. While you guys are naturally equipped to do what? Lift suitcases into the overhead compartment?”

“If women embrace the fact that they control life, that makes it a lot harder for men to control women,” Wolf continued. “Of course men are uncomfortable with that. They won’t even let us control a little bit of Star Wars.”

As someone who has money—and lives in a solidly blue state—Wolf stressed that she will “always be able to get an abortion.” But the same can’t be said for millions of other women across the country. “Abortion shouldn’t be a luxury,” she said. “It shouldn’t be the new, ‘I summer in Montauk.’ It should be on the dollar menu at McDonald’s!”

Wolf ended her July 4th weekend show with a salute to abortion, complete with a marching band, balloons and confetti. “Women, don’t forget: you have the power to give life!” she concluded. “And men will try to control that. Don’t let them! God bless abortions and god bless America!”