VERY BIG AND NORMAL

Mysterious ‘Little Golden Mushroom’ Honors Trump’s Anatomy

The monument references Stormy Daniels’ description of the former president’s manhood.

A mysterious statue commemorating Donald Trump’s “tiny golden mushroom” has appeared in upstate New York. Tucked into a bucolic corner of Donald J. Trump State Park in Yorktown Heights, the statue is a clear nod to Stormy Daniels’ famous description of the size and shape of Trump’s manhood. “The Very Large Donald Trump Monument” has a wide, tiered base about eight feet tall with a decorated column drum at the top. Perched atop the column is a golden mushroom so small it’s barely visible when you step back to behold the statue as a whole. “This giant pillar pays tribute to President Trump. As you can see this is a very large monument. Definitely the largest,” reads an accompanying plaque. It goes on to describe how Daniels “slandered” Trump by saying his “monument” was “smaller than average” and resembled a mushroom. “The circumstances surrounding her statements have been verified by a New York State Court of Law. This towering monument stands in defiance of these false statements so that we may all bear witness to the truth of this giant, very normal monument,” the plaque concludes. Its creator, who remains unknown, put candles and votive mushrooms around the base. Trump is famously obsessed with size, whether it be crowds or genitalia. He was awed by Arnold Palmer’s anatomy, and nothing sends him over the edge quite like Kamala Harris drawing a bigger crowd.

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Janna Brancolini

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