APOCALYPSE NOW

North Korea Posts Batshit Slow-Mo Missile Test Hype Video

North Korea state-run television has published a trailer worthy of any low budget end-of-world action flick. Except it’s real.

If the idea that North Korea’s new intercontinental nuclear-capable ballistic missile could actually reach the U.S. isn’t scary enough, Kim Jong Un appears to be trolling his adversaries in an 11-minute slow motion video that purports to show the moments leading up to the testing.

The video, which is filmed in hilarious “end of the world” style, kicks off with the despotic leader swaggering like he’s in Top Gun—complete with a tight-fitting leather jacket and shades—out of a hanger with the phallic missile tip on a massive double cab tractor trailer peeking out behind him.

As Kim randomly points to various unseen targets in front of him, two decorated military men smile and nod at his apparent leadership prowess. The scene then cuts to slo-mo drone footage over the Hwasong-17 missile still in the hanger, which was tested Thursday and which North Korea claims can “contain the U.S.”

Cut to Kim looking at what appears to be a gold plated Apple Watch for the countdown. His generals look at their watches, too, and the film then quickly flips back and forth between the three men before slowing down to show Kim remove his old-man shades and look towards the hanger and give a nod. After a series of gesticulations, what appears to be Kim’s chubby hand gives the O.K. and the missile is brought out.

The video, which was published in three parts on Twitter, but is available as one long take on YouTube, then cuts to a flashing red button with the background audio often associated with the countdown to a nuclear disaster, before a man counts down in Korean.

The missile is predictably launched and several men in military garb celebrate voraciously in slow motion. The video ends with Kim in the control room with his generals fist pumping the success, all still in slow motion to drag out the agony of it all.

Despite the bizarre nature of the Team America style performance, the Hwasong-17 is a dangerous piece of weaponry, and what is thought to be the rogue nation’s largest nuclear-capable missile.

“The dazzling light of fire heated the ground like a mass of flames along with a loud explosion shaking the earth and sky and a tremendous missile charged with the irresistible force of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea was launched to the outer space from the ground,” North Korean state media wrote in its description of the event, citing Kim: “The new strategic weapon of the DPRK will clearly show the might of our strategic force to the whole world once again. This will be an occasion of confirming the modernity of our strategic force and confidence in the security of the state.”

While the U.S. has not formally commented on the latest show of force by North Korea, U.S. President Joe Biden is traveling around Europe accompanied by his a U.S. Air Force E-4B Nightwatch command center known as his “Doomsday Plane,” meant to keep the president and his closes advisors safe in the event of a nuclear disaster.

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Barbie Latza Nadeau

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