EPIC PUTDOWN

Colbert Hammers ‘Discount Dr. Seuss D****ebag’ Pete Hegseth

The “Secretary of War” was nailed on late-night TV.

Stephen Colbert branded Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth a “discount Dr. Seuss D-----bag” for his muddled messaging on the war in Iran.

President Donald Trump launched “major combat operations” against Iran on Saturday, urging Iranians to rise up and overthrow the Islamic regime. The country’s supreme leader, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, was wiped out in the initial strike, prompting the Pentagon chief to declare, “This is not a so-called regime-change war.”

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“But the regime sure did change,” Hegseth couldn’t help adding with a smirk, providing fodder for an attack from the host on Tuesday’s Late Show with Stephen Colbert.

“You discount Dr. Seuss D-----bag,” Colbert said, before launching into a Seuss-style rhyme that touched on reports that the former Fox News host has endured problems with boozing. “We did not bomb them into rocks. We bombed them to get praise on Fox. Why did we kill the ayatollah? Cos I drank too many rum and cola.”

He then aimed at the contradictory justifications for “Operation Epic Fury” coming from the Trump administration, noting that the president’s top Middle East negotiator, Steve Witkoff, had warned last month that Iran was just days away from producing nuclear bomb materials.

“But on CBS’ Face the Nation in Sunday, Ted Cruz said...‘Nah,’” Colbert quipped, before rolling a clip of Cruz contradicting Witkoff’s statement.

“I have no indication that they were anywhere close to getting nuclear weapons,” the Texas senator actually said.

Nailing the confusing message, Colbert said, “Yeah. So, we did it to change the regime because they were close to having nukes, but they weren’t close to having nukes and we didn’t do it to change the regime. That was confusing until the administration sent this spokesperson to clear it up.”

He then rolled a famous clip of Joe Cirkiel as a kid trying to quote from the Disney animated film Hercules, whilst in kindergarten in 1999.

In it, he said, “Have you ever had a dream that, that you, um, you had, your, you— you could, you’ll do, you— you wants, you, you could do so, you— you’ll do, you could- you, you want, you want them to do you so much you could do anything?"

“Thank you, Marco Rubio,” Colbert quipped, closing his opening monologue.

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Leigh KimminsReporter

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