Greece, it’s the land of goddesses, spanakopita, and big fat weddings. Most importantly, it’s the Motherland of tragedies.
The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City have escaped the snowy mountains for the picturesque city of Santorini, returning Angie K. to her homeland, where she’s most powerful. Even surrounded by millions upon millions of evil eyes, though, the Housewives can’t rid themselves of their burdens.
Heather is still angry as ever at Meredith, following her alleged meltdown on the flight home from the cruise. Angie can’t get over her own grievances with Lisa, who shuttled in glam all the way to the Greek island so she can look as tanned as ever. And Bronwyn is in a never-ending feud with herself, constantly releasing information into the world only to lambast the version of herself who told such stories.
The Housewives are firmly immersed in a Greek tragedy. Nothing can save them now.
It begins with a glimmer of hope, as Angie invites over her A-team (Mary and Heather) to learn the lovely Greek language from her father and Aunt Rita. From there, the women hop on a flight to the land of comically oversized sunglasses. With the watchful eye of Eirene, the Greek Goddess of Peace, watching over them, no one even scuffles—on the plane, that is.
In the airport, a fight over Cartier watches emerges between Lisa and Angie, leading Heather and Whitney to buy their own Cartier watches in an effort to troll Lisa. An end-of-season cast trip is rarely a place of passivity for the Goddesses of Salt, after all.
And Heather prides herself as a master producer and storyteller. Having launched the midnight murder of Monica Garcia and the text exchange heard ’round the world, Heather’s looking to maneuver her best moment yet: the Lisa Barlow/Meredith Marks takedown two-for-one special. She just can’t help herself from pulling some strings, which is awfully easy when your opponent is Lisa.
Lisa vs. Angie is one of those petty flames that the mere idea of gas in the air can reignite. All it takes is a little nod in their direction, and suddenly the two are debating who owns the most Porsches and who owned a Cartier first. Points to Angie, who does provide a 2016 receipt that’s at least two faces old, of course.
Having wound up Angie, the Greek Goddess of Sidekickery, Heather sets her sights on something far grander: Meredith. Mother Marks has spent the past week trying desperately to pull Heather for a one-on-one, hoping to resolve their residual beef to no avail. Heather knows the season is ending in Santorini, and if she can just dodge Meredith long enough, she can ambush her with an audience. That’s the Heather Gay promise.
“Britani may have forgiven Meredith, but I haven’t,” Heather shares in a confessional, making it very clear that the issue goes far beyond the plane meltdown—even if it’s not entirely clear what has actually caused the change-up.
Heather’s an expert narrator, constantly crafting stories with ease, so it’s very intentional for her to be so vague. It’s almost as though Heather has internalized the fanbase’s praise of Salt Lake City’s ever-changing dynamics so much that she feels she has to turn on Meredith. And so she has.
Still, we get some glimpses of the dynamic the season began with—Heather distrustful of Bronwyn—as the Goddess of Bobs tries to weave her way out of yet another story she told. Just a few weeks ago, Bronwyn was over-sharing her marital woes and flirting with the idea of an open marriage, removing her wedding ring and kicking Todd to the curb. But, to Bronwyn, assuming that meant her marriage was in a bad place is simply “adding two plus two and getting five.”
The Bronwyn Newport experience is, after all, all about taking everything she says with a hefty grain of salt. Authenticity is something of which she’s incapable. If that’s an uncharitable interpretation after she reneged on her own claims of Todd’s affair last season, created a tale that she bought a million-dollar necklace only to admit it was all made up, and was accused of identity theft, well, call me uncharitable.
“At this point, it’s not so much about the details or the story. It’s ‘what does Bronwyn want us to think?’” Whitney asks, rather succinctly (for once). The Real Housewives is a beautiful land of liars, and Bronwyn’s no different. If only we could scratch more than the surface.
Lucky for her, she’s too low on the totem pole to snag an end-of-season feud, Heather pushing aside her obvious lies to take on Meredith—the same Meredith who essentially warns Bronwyn that the ladies may put this aside from now, but their prying is far from over.
That night, the ladies take a stroll around Santorini, bopping in and out of some cutesy shops as Lisa sits firmly in glam. Missing the beautiful moment that is buying a caftan and an evil eye pendant, Lisa scores the ire of her castmates, who can’t understand why she’s so vapid. Why would Lisa want to spend time in glam when she could spend time with women who hate her?
“I would hate to be crippled with that type of insecurity about my physical appearance,” says Heather, whose business relies on women who are crippled with that type of insecurity about their physical appearance.
To be fair, spending time with people who hate you is the job description to be a Real Housewife. So, the ladies all gather for a dinner in which all their resentments bubble up to the surface, leaving legitimately everyone in tears. Talk about a Greek tragedy.
It starts with a peace offering of sorts, as Meredith gives Heather an evil eye necklace. Cute, right?
Unfortunately for Meredith, Heather finds it an insulting gesture. She’s confused why Meredith wants to brush everything aside and act like everything’s fine instead of having a real conversation (something Meredith has asked for, but alas, is it a real conversation if the whole cast isn’t there to witness it? Apparently not).
“She wants to start this with the group to rile people up, to start on me again. It’s clear that Heather doesn’t have respect for our friendship,” Meredith says in a confessional, before declining to discuss the issues before the group.
Still, Heather pushes on, leading to pushback from both Meredith and Lisa. Everyone’s right, in a sense, and everyone’s wrong. Meredith finds it frustrating that Heather won’t discuss this one-on-one, obviously, which is incredibly fair, even if Heather has astutely pointed out that Meredith is very unwilling to take accountability for what happened, so it’s fair to wonder what good a discussion would do at all.
Lisa, for her part, makes the point that Heather’s constantly asking everyone else to be a good friend without considering if she, herself, is being a good friend, or if she’s playing to the cameras. That’s certainly a solid message, even if it comes from the funniest messenger possible.
Unsurprisingly, these points mostly fall on deaf ears, even if Heather and Lisa do have a heart-to-heart of sorts. Their dynamic truly does radiate above all others, somehow proving its most interesting six seasons in.
Seeing everyone have a heartfelt moment, Whitney tosses out a tear and tries her hand to heal with Meredith, unsuccessfully. Ever the little sister, that Wild Rose.
Thus, the dinner ends in shambles, as most do for The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. Heather and Meredith are hurtling toward the point of no return, egged on by a most eager audience. The Greek Goddess of Deceit has taken over this group, leaving devastation in her wake.
With only three episodes left, can the Real Housewives find their way back, or will this mark the end of the group as we know it?
