PEAK COLIN

‘SNL’s’ Jost Stuns With Brutal Pentagon Pete Cold Open

The “Weekend Update” co-anchor did not hold back in his second outing as Pete Hegseth.

Colin Jost reprised his blistering impression of embattled Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth.

Jost, who rarely appears on Saturday Night Live outside “Weekend Update,” portrayed Hegseth as an aggressive, angry man struggling to downplay the scandal of his alleged war crimes against Venezuelan drug boats.

“First things first,” Jost’s Hegseth said as he began his press conference. “Where are the fatties? You, out!”

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Hegseth denied ordering a second strike on a boat that killed two survivors who had spent 40 minutes clinging to the wreckage.

He told reporters, “That kind of cruel, heartless act has no place in Operation Kill Everybody.”

Hegseth continued to attempt to distance himself from the incident by explaining, “I wasn’t even in the room when it happened, OK? I was so jacked up after the first strike I had to make an emergency call to my sponsor—I’m sorry, a guy I met at an anonymous meeting."

One reporter at the press conference, played by cast member Ashley Padilla, asked Hegseth about Arizona Senator Mark Kelly’s real quote alleging that Hegseth is just a “12-year-old playing army.”

“Oh, get a husband,” Jost told her.

Padilla’s character snapped back, “I’m trying!”

Hegseth soon added, “Let’s just say: if I had a drink for every Venezuelan we’ve killed, I’d really like that number of drinks.”

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Hegseth also tried to defend President Donald Trump, telling the reporters, “Unlike you beta cucks, he’s a high-energy alpha who trusts me and listens to me no matter what. Isn’t that right, Mr. President?”

He looked over at Trump (played by James Austin Johnson), only to find him sleeping in his seat.

The joke came after a week of multiple instances in which the real Trump seemed to doze off in public.

SNL’s Trump talked in his sleep, saying in a flirtatious tone, “Stop Mamdani, you can freeze my rent anytime.”

Trump then startled awake, shouting, “I wasn’t sleeping! I’m very much awake, now someone quickly tell me where am I, who am I and what year might it be.”

“Good one Mr. President,” said Hegseth nervously. “Everything you do that’s weird is a joke.”

Michael Boyle

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