Ozzy vs. The Wizard of Oz
Can you tell the difference between the Prince of Darkness’ new memoir, I Am Ozzy, and the beloved L. Frank Baum classic? Click your heels together and take our quiz.
1. A) “My father always said I would do something big one day….” B) “But my father went there once, when I was a boy, and he said it was a long journey through a dangerous country…”
2. A) “But when The Witch came back just before noon, she knew something was up…Next thing I knew I was on the end of her broom, flying out of the door.” B) “With these words the Witch fell down in a brown, melted, shapeless mass and began to spread over the clean boards of the kitchen floor.”
3. A) “He was clothed all in green, from his head to his feet, and even his skin was of a greenish tint.” B) “He must have thought he was hallucinating when he saw me show up in a green frock.”
4. A) “We must journey on until we find the road of yellow brick again.” B) “So one morning I took my brick of hash to the studio…”
5. A) “We put an old bed frame in there and bits of wood, and there was this hole in the roof for a chimney. Next to it were these rusty oil drums…” B) “There were four walls, a floor, and a roof, which made one room; and this room contained a rusty looking cookstove, a cupboard for the dishes, a table, three or four chairs, and the beds.”
6. A) “Then she looked down at her feet and noticed how old and worn her shoes were…” B) “And I never wore shoes—not even in winter.”
7. A) “I was a beast. Absolutely terrifying.” B) “I am really a wild beast.”
8. A) “But surely you will think more of me when you hear the splendid thoughts my new brain is going to turn out.” B) “Nothing would stick in my head, and I couldn’t understand why my brain was such a useless piece of fucking jelly.”
9. A) “He was always careful not to hurt any living creature; and as he walked along he wept several tears of sorrow.” B) “Oh fuck me I thought. I didn’t just go and eat a fucking bat, did I?”
10. A) “Two months felt like an eternity to be so far away from home…” B) “There is no place like home.”
ANSWERS ON THE NEXT PAGE
1. A (Ozzy) B ( Oz) 2. A (Ozzy) B ( Oz) 3. A ( Oz) B (Ozzy) 4. A ( Oz) B (Ozzy) 5. A (Ozzy) B ( Oz) 6. A ( Oz) B (Ozzy) 7. A (Ozzy) B ( Oz) 8. A ( Oz) B (Ozzy) 9. A ( Oz) B (Ozzy) 10. A (Ozzy) B ( Oz)
WHAT YOUR SCORE MEANS:
10/10: Way to go, Professor Marvel! 8 or 9: You’re a whiz. 6 or 7: Miss Gulch would like to see you... 4 or 5: Were you playing in Ozzy’s medicine cabinet again? 3 and under: If you only had a brain.