If at least one of these claims is true, The Daily Beast will literally eat its shoe. Sean “P. Diddy” Combs has been sued in Los Angeles Superior Court by Valerie Joyce Wilson Turks, 31, who claims Diddy caused the 9/11 terrorist attacks, fathered a son with her—now age 23, named Cornelius—and stole a poker chip belonging to her that was worth “100 zillions of dollars.” Other defendants cited in the lawsuit are Kim Porter, Diddy’s ex-girlfriend, and Rodney King, the victim of an assault by LAPD officers in 1991. Turks is suing for $900 billion in child support and $100 billion in lost wages. The case is set to be heard January 31.