Pippa's Writing Career is Over

Pippa Middleton’s plans to be a superstar celebrity author are in tatters after she was knocked back for a second book by her publishers, Penguin, following disappointing sales and reviews for her debut effort.

She received a $500,000 advance for her party-planning book ‘Celebrate’, but it received a far from glowing literary reception – suitable for people who need “a recipe for ice” as one reviewer memorably remarked - and the manula was widely derided for its simplistic advice, including the gem that “turkeys are perfect for feeding larger gatherings”, but the young auteur was apparently not dissuaded from continuing her literary career.

According to the London Evening Standard, Pippa has ideas for a whole range of how-to manuals, and next on her hit-list is a keep-fit tome. (It might perhaps begin with the advice to ‘join a gym’ or ‘buy a pair of trainers’ in a ‘shop’, both activities which will require the use of ‘money’.)

In her defence, Pippa and Kate are both sporty types, and regular readers of the Royalist will recall that earlier this year young Pip completed Sweden’s 56-mile Vasaloppet cross-country ski race, raising thousands of pounds for charity in the process. She’s also quite good at dancing on sofas.

But whilst Pip is bursting with energy and enthusiasm for her new project, it appears, that her publishers, Penguin, are once bitten, twice shy.

The Evening Standard’s Londoner’s Diary reports: “A random Penguiner mentioned to the Londoner that Middleton’s representatives approached the publishing house with the idea for the second book but, given the not entirely glowing reception given to Celebrate, it politely declined to get its cheque book out again.”

Part of their reluctance to leap back into bed with the royal in-law is probably down to the fact that Pippa’s book could have been huge, if only she had agreed to promote it. But she left her publishers on both sides of the Atlantic in an impossible position when she refused to do any print or broadcast interviews, despite a slew of prime offers.

The non-appearance of a new Pippa guide will undoubtedly sadden the wit behind the Royalist's favourite spoof twitter account of the year, @pippatips, a parodic take on Pipa Middleton's over-simple party tips, which includes the following classics:

"If you fancy a bit of a laugh, watching, reading or listening to comedy can be an amusing way to bring the smiles!""When driving at night, lights aren't only a legal requirement, but a fun way of seeing the road and other things!""Coffee is a great pick-me-up on to put some zing in those long Monday mornings, can be served with or without milk and/or sugar.""Celebrate the traditional British Friday by visiting the pub with friends or colleagues & drinking some alcohol!""Roast Sunday lunches make for delicious leftovers for the rest of the week!” (Oh no, sorry, that's a real one from her book. My mistake, the Royalist)