Alec Baldwin returned to Saturday Night Live this week just in time to capitalize on President Donald Trump’s fake national emergency declaration.
Speaking from the Rose Garden, Baldwin’s miserable-seeming Trump kicked off the show by telling America, “We need wall.”
“Let’s cut to the chase, folks, we need wall, OK?” the president said. “We have a tremendous amount of drugs flowing into the country from the southern border—or the brown line as many people have asked me not to call it. That’s why we need wall. Wall works. Wall makes safe. You don’t have to be smart to understand that, in fact it’s even easier to understand if you’re not that smart.”
“You can see why I have to fake this national emergency,” he added. “I have to because I want to, it’s really simple.”
Trump then predicted that after he signed the emergency order, “I will immediately be sued and the ruling will not go in my favor and it will end up in the Supreme Court and I’ll call my buddy Kavanaugh and I’ll say it’s time to repay the Donny, and he will say, ‘new phone, who dis,’ and then the Mueller report will be released, crumbling my house of cards and I can plead insanity and do a few months in the puzzle factory and my personal hell of playing president will finally be over.”
If he knew during the election what he knows now, Trump said, “I would have told Putin to just give the job to Hillary instead.”
From there, after sharing his stereotypical impersonations of President Xi and Chuck Schumer, Trump decided to take a “few softball questions,” including one from CNN’s Jim Acosta (Kyle Mooney), whom he clashed with once again during his real announcement earlier this week.
“Oh, seriously, man, how do you keep getting in this room?” Trump asked the reporter. “I mean, I’d love to just build a wall around Jim.”
“Anyway, in conclusion, this is a total emergency, a five-alarm blaze,” the president said, “which means I need to go to Mar-a-Lago to play some golf. And live from New York, it’s Saturday night!”