After a cold open that found Alec Baldwin’s Donald Trump royally botching his response to the Puerto Rico hurricane aftermath, Saturday Night Live’s “Weekend Update” anchors came out swinging in the Season 43 premiere.
“Trump says the people of Puerto Rico ‘want everything to be done for them,’” Colin Jost said. “Then he told his caddy to repair his divot and drive him to the next hole. Hey, Trump always said he was going to get things done faster than any other president. And now I believe him. Because it took George W. Bush five years to get his Katrina.”
Michael Che had even harsher words about Trump’s Twitter attacks on San Juan’s mayor, who the president said “was very complimentary only a few days ago” and “has now been told by the Democrats that you must be nasty to Trump.”
“Oh really, Donald? You bitch,” Che responded. “Was she nasty to you? How nasty? Are you shaking? Do you want to smoke a Virginia Slim until your hand stops moving?”
“This isn’t a complicated issue, man, it’s hurricane relief,” he continued. “You just did this very same thing for white people, twice. So, tell Melania to put on her flood heels, get some bottled water, some food, pack up some extra Atlanta Falcons Super Bowl T-shirts and write them a check with our money, you cheap cracker!”
“In one month you have mishandled Puerto Rico, DACA, the NFL,” Che concluded. “It’s like when anybody darker than your golf pants has a problem you’re thinking, how can I make this worse?”
There is nothing Alec Baldwin could do to top that.