SNL’s Ted Cruz Begs Trump to ‘Hit Me, Choke Me, Spit in My Face’

Saturday Night Live kicked off this week’s show with Kate McKinnon’s Laura Ingraham, who used her Fox News platform to trash President Joe Biden’s first year in office.

“Can we all admit it’s a disaster?” she asked her viewers. “Inflation’s out of control, gas is at $19 a gallon and the green M&M has been canceled just for being a whore!”

Her first guest of the night was Aidy Bryant’s Ted Cruz, who began by explaining, “My beard is like January 6th. Shocking at first, but sadly it’s been normalized.” From there, he followed up his humiliating appearance on Tucker Carlson’s show by sending a message directly to Trump. “Donald, if you’re watching, I love you, baby,” he said. “You are the king. Honestly, hit me.”

When Ingraham asked if he really wanted Trump to hit him, he replied, “Oh, I don’t know. Hit me, choke me, spit in my face. I just want to stay in the mix.”

Then, after shouting out some of her last remaining sponsors—including “COVID Negs: The COVID test that’s guaranteed to be negative even if you have it. COVID Negs: I’m going to your wedding”—Ingraham welcomed Pete Davidson’s Novak Djokovic, Ego Nwodim’s Candace Owens and finally James Austin Johnson’s Donald Trump

“It’s wonderful to be here,” Trump told her. “I’m back like Tiger King 2. You had fun the first time, and now you’re like, ‘How are more people from this not in jail yet?’” He then presented his very own Wordle-based rant that made its way from vaccines to John Mayer to How I Met Your Father.

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