Stephen Colbert Goes Off on Trumpy Florida Judge for Killing Mask Mandate
“You can’t let Florida make health decisions for the entire country!” the “Late Show” host declared.
CBS
Stephen Colbert opened his Late Show monologue by saying he’d “always hoped to live to see the end of the COVID safety precautions.” He just didn’t think it would happen “out of the blue” when a federal judge struck down the CDC’s mask mandate for airplanes and public transportation.
“No surprise, the ruling comes from a Tampa-based federal judge,” the host remarked. “You can’t let Florida make health decisions for the entire country! That’s not smart. The Florida food pyramid is just gator jerky and meth!”
Colbert went on to question Judge Kathryn Kimball Mizelle’s reasoning that the CDC’s power was limited to “things like cleaning property” and “wearing a mask cleans nothing.” She added, “At most, it traps virus droplets.”
“That’s the mask’s job, you dummy! So my droplets don’t get on you!” he fired back. “That’s like saying, ‘This diaper is useless, every time I put one on my baby, it fills up with poop.’”
Then, noting that the “genius jurist” was appointed by Donald Trump after he lost the 2020 election, Colbert revealed that she received a “not qualified” rating from the American Bar Association and had never even tried a case before.
And as for the airline passengers who found out that the mandate had been lifted by a pilot who congratulated them mid-flight, Colbert said, “Congratulations is an odd way to announce the lifting of a safety measure.”
“People can take this news however they want,” he ultimately concluded, “but it’s unfair for people who might be immunocompromised or flying with unvaxxed kids to change the rules mid-flight. That’s like being told halfway through a dinner party that it’s an orgy.”
Get the best of The Beast delivered right to your inbox
By clicking “SUBSCRIBE” you agree to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.
For more, listen and subscribe to The Last Laugh podcast.
See more of our coverage in your search results.
Got a tip? Send it to The Daily Beast here.
Register below to read this article for free or subscribe
to unlock unlimited access to The Daily Beast.
Monthly
$1
First month then $5.99/month
Annual
$35
First year then $59.99/year
Premium
$79
First year then $119.99/year
*Substack access provided by the next business day, using your subscription email. Choosing the Premium plan constitutes your permission to share your subscription email with Substack and your agreement to Substack’s Privacy Policy.
Already have an account? Sign In
Looks like you already have a subscription!
You're all set!
Thanks for subscribing.