Trump ‘Named Winner of Golf Championship He Didn’t Play In’
MINISTRY OF TRUTH
The victory list on Donald Trump’s locker at Palm Beach undeniably looks impressive: the gold plaques commemorate his championship triumphs in 1999, 2001, 2009, 2012, 2013, and the recently-added 2018. But there appears to be a problem with the new plaque which claims he was the 2018 men’s club champion—because he didn’t play in the tournament. Golf magazine reports Trump was actually awarded the title of co-champion as part of a clubhouse joke after the real winner, businessmen Ted Virtue, gambled his championship in a round with Trump after the tournament was long over. Trump—an alleged serial golf cheat—reportedly proposed a nine-hole winner-takes-the-title challenge match with Virtue which, would you believe, he won. He is then reported to have said something along the lines of: “This isn’t fair—we’ll be co-champions.” But Trump appears to have been so proud of his ‘win’ that a plaque was added to his championship roll-call on his locker stating: “2018 — Men's Club Champion.” It’s just as well he doesn't have more important things to occupy his mind with.