Ooze Cruise

16 Surprising Things Now More Expensive Than a Night on a Carnival Cruise

Carnival cruises are now $38 a night. Here are better ways to spend that money—none of which involve poop.

It so happens that when most people fantasize about their ideal vacation, it rarely includes lots and lots of poop.

Facing what would be called a PR nightmare in the kindest of descriptions, Carnival has been forced to lower the cost of an upcoming cruise to as little as $38 a night. Or, lower than the price of a room at a Motel 6. The dramatic slash in price follows the ooze-cruise debacle of the Carnival Triumph, which was stranded at sea for so long in February that passengers were forced to urinate in showers, defecate in plastic bags, and suffer “sewage running down the walls and floors.” Poop deck, indeed.

Haunted by reports of the squalor on the Triumph, it’s possible that even a $38-a-night price tag isn’t enough to lure people onto a cruise. After all, there are many, many other things that a person could spend $38 on:

Dinner at Applebee’s.

This bitchin’ shirt.

A wheel of aged sheep’s-milk cheese.

This Captain & Tennille box set.

Two tickets to The Croods 3-D in Times Square.

Saucy undergarments.

This signed Kirk Cameron headshot.

Season tickets to the Marshalltown Community Theatre in Marshalltown, Iowa. Playing this season: Annie, Steel Magnolias, and Arsenic and Old Lace.

Condoms.

A subscription to Bacon Busters magazine.

Knitting lessons.

A cabin on the Backstreet Boys 20th-anniversary cruise.

A trippy-looking fanny pack.

Any of these hamburgers.

Primo seats to Disney on Ice in Auburn Hills, Michigan.

And, fittingly, a jumbo pack of toilet paper.

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Kevin FallonSenior Editor, Obsessed

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