Most people would assume that sweet Paddington is universally beloved, but it turns he has at least one hater: Saturday Night Live’s Colin Jost.
The “Weekend Update” co-anchor paused the show this week to do a “Hear Me Out” segment on Paddington.
“Paddington’s a toxic b---h,” Jost declared. “He’s an illegal immigrant freeloading off a nice, gullible white family.”
Jost’s rant continued: “His sticky little marmalade paws are just waiting to rip open that trench coat so he can flash our straight children. I can’t wait to call ICE on his Peruvian a--.”
“Are you okay, Colin?” asked concerned co-host Michael Che.
“No!” yelled Jost.
This was hardly Jost’s first “Hear Me Out” segment on the show. In January, Jost used it as an opportunity to come to the defense of AI-generated child porn.
Of course, judging by the look on Jost’s face as he begins each “Hear Me Out” section, it seems like Che might be the one who’s really writing these bits.
Jost and Che are famous for their twice-yearly joke swaps, where each writes offensive jokes that are seemingly designed to ruin the other’s career.
These recurring “Hear Me Out” bits of Jost’s aren’t official joke swaps, but they still only work if you assume Jost is being forced to read the cue cards.
Throughout the rest of “Weekend Update,” Jost and Che zeroed in on Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth for accidentally sending sensitive military information to a journalist.
“This week we learned our entire national security team has the texting skills of my Aunt Janet,” Jost joked.
“Of all people to accidentally add to the chat, it was the editor of The Atlantic,“ Jost said. ”That’s like if you were planning a surprise quinceañera and you CC’ed Jared from Subway."
Che got the biggest groan of the night: “Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem visited a prison holding deported migrants in El Salvador,” he said, showing a picture of Noem standing in front of dozens of migrants in a jail cell. “Even though it looks more like she’s trying to beat a world record on OnlyFans.”
Che redeemed himself with the audience with his next joke, however.
“FBI Director Kash Patel announced that the agency is launching an investigation into anti-Musk vandalism at Tesla dealerships, calling the acts domestic terrorism,” Che said.
“Which is a federal crime punishable by a full pardon,” Che added, showing a picture of the Jan. 6 rioters.
