For the past decade, the Kardashians have made an art of transforming minutiae into must-see TV—no conversation over chicken salads is too long, no crisis too boring, no vocal too fry. But while the famous family is seemingly captivating enough on their own, ten years of content-producing takes a toll. So it’s no wonder that, after countless episodes in which Kourtney facetimes Khloé or Kylie mattes and un-mattes her car, the Kardashians are finally giving in to more and more outrageous plot lines.
These developments push back against any remaining semblance of normalcy, and veer into total and utter insanity. They’re at once outlandish and strangely predictable, like the time Kylie and Kendall Jenner, infamous cultural appropriators, sold a line of overpriced T-shirts desecrating the image of Tupac Shakur, or when opportunistic lothario Scott Disick started dating a semi-famous teen. But the biggest Kardashian jump-the-shark moment was, without a doubt, the pregnancies. In accordance with an ancient Blind Gossip prophecy, three separate Kardashians found themselves simultaneously pregnant, proving once and for all that Kris Jenner is a sorceress and that every single thing you read on the internet is true.
Naturally, the impregnation of 19-year-old beauty mogul Kylie Jenner was the leading story, and the other soon-to-be moms took supporting roles. Now the joke is on us for being so distracted by the conundrum of how Kylie would change a diaper with those acrylics that we failed to spot the real impending scandal. Of course Tristan Thompson, who left his pregnant ex-girlfriend for Khloé Kardashian, would cheat again. Of course news of infidelity would drop in a seemingly coordinated blitz right around when Kardashian is due to give birth.
While I wouldn’t go so far as to say this entire cheating scandal has been manufactured, it’s clear that the Kardashians, with their well-placed sources and social media tactics, are getting ahead of this story; as Thompson’s entire sordid history is being picked apart online, the family has iced him out on Instagram and seem determined to cut him off like the low-life he is. Meanwhile, Kim Kardashian is gleefully posting vacation pics in tinier and tinier sunglasses, Khloé is seemingly sequestered, and demand for Kardashian komment has never been higher. Say it with me now: the Devil works hard, but Kris Jenner works harder.
To be clear: Tristan Thompson’s various trysts were about as shocking as Kendall Jenner coming out as straight.
Thompson and Kardashian officially confirmed their relationship on Instagram just a few months before Thompson’s ex gave birth to his child, so it wasn’t a huge surprise when images surfaced of Thompson spending time with another woman at a club over the weekend. However, the story quickly escalated, from a video of Thompson and the woman making out to images of the couple seemingly shacking up for the weekend. A detailed Daily Mail timeline begins on Saturday night with the DFMO heard ‘round the web. Next, the pair reportedly returned to Thompson’s Four Seasons hotel room. They emerged together on Sunday night, and returned at 5 A.M. on Monday. On Monday night, the woman, who has now been identified as Instagram model Lani Blair, left the Four Seasons alone with a large overnight bag. Twisting the knife just a little bit more, the Daily Mail added Khloé Kardashian’s social media activities to their tracker—a Monday-morning post of the mom-to-be posing with Thompson, captioned, “We are ready whenever you are little mama.”
A source who filmed Thompson and Blair at the club on Saturday night told the Daily Mail, “I was there and he was on the table right next to us with a group of friends and some girl who he was obviously making out with all night…Everybody knew who he was. We talked about it and everybody watched them make out several times. I have obviously seen him before and people around me were like, ‘That's Tristan Thompson.’ I have seen him on TV.” As if it’s not hurtful enough that Khloé literally moved to Cleveland for this cheater.
And then the story got even stranger. In a move that has Kris Jenner’s brilliant fingerprints all over it, TMZ published a damning video of Thompson “brazenly cheating” on Kardashian with two women in October. The NSFW video features the NBA player engaged in some heavy over-the-clothes action at a D.C. hookah lounge (?). With these images of Thompson motor-boating a stranger inundating the internet, team Kardashian appeared to put the final nail in his coffin in a People exclusive: a source told the magazine that Thompson is a “serial cheater,” explaining that, “Tristan has been consistently cheating on Khloé.” The insider further cast Kardashian as a sympathetic figure, lamenting, “First Lamar cheated on her and now Tristan. She’s been through so much.”
While Khloé is still trying to pregnant in peace, opportunists have come out of the woodwork to cash in on the sordid scandal.
Since Thompson’s alleged boo, Lani Blair, has gone private on Instagram, another woman attempted to steal her spotlight on social media. @Ms. Stephaniee_ temporarily had the tabloids shook on Tuesday night, when she flooded her Instagram with alleged texts from Thompson and a brief sex tape, tagging the NBA player in the clip. She also wrote, “I’m pregnant too since everything out here.” Although several gossip blogs breathlessly reported Stephaniee’s pregnancy announcement, a TMZ update later admitted, “Multiple reports say the woman in NYC with Tristan is an IG model named Lani Blair. As for Ms. Stephaniee...it appears she might have no involvement, and was merely trolling Tristan and Khloe.”
Thompson’s ex Jordan Craig seemed to disagree with the Twitter users who think that she should be seriously gloating. Craig posted to Instagram, “If you respect yourself and you respect others, you would never make light of the misfortune of anyone, nor would you feel indemnified when it comes at the expense of others. Wishing peace for everyone.”
In a now-deleted Instagram, on-and-off-again Kardashian adversary Amber Rose appeared to sound off on the allegations, writing, “I know we’ve had our differences in the past but my heart is broken for you sis smh no one deserves to feel that pain especially during such a sensitive time. God bless you and your baby.”
Khloé is reportedly due to give birth any day now.