As the only major late-night host to air a new show Monday night, Jimmy Kimmel had one of the more laughable Trump stories in recent memory all to himself.
Noting that today is both Indigenous Peoples’ Day and Columbus Day, the host said, “Our president, though, is a big supporter of Columbus Day. He and Christopher Columbus actually have a lot in common. They both spread disease and both failed spectacularly at what they were hired to do.”
Kimmel began by taking on the “contaminator-in-chief’s” first big “maskless” rally in Florida since contracting the coronavirus just a couple of weeks ago. “He says the doctors gave him the OK to do it,” he told viewers. “That’s good news though. It’ll be nice to get back to having a president who’s only mentally ill.”
“The president has been cagey about whether he has tested negative yet, but whether he’s negative or not doesn’t matter,” Kimmel said. “Because his new thing is he’s got immunity.” After playing the clip of Trump telling Fox News that he now has a “protective glow” that protects him from getting sick again, the host joked, “That’s not a protective glow though. That is Hawaiian Tropics mango-scented tanning mousse that you’re seeing.”
But the detail from the weekend that really caught Kimmel’s eye came from a New York Times story about his multi-day stay at Walter Reed. According to Maggie Haberman and Annie Karni’s sources, Trump “wanted to appear frail at first” when people saw him emerge from the hospital. “But underneath his button-down dress shirt, he would wear a Superman T-shirt,” they reported, “which he would reveal as a symbol of strength when he ripped open the top layer.”
“This is not a joke,” Kimmel explained. “This is what he wanted to do.”
“Whoever talked him out of this, I would like to bang you right on the head,” he continued. “First of all, we would have gotten to see some top-notch acting when Trump was pretending to be frail. Then he would have had to rip the shirt open and good luck getting the buttons undone with those nubby little baby carrot fingers he has.”
“And then, what would happen when he would reveal the ‘S’ on his chest?” Kimmel asked. “Would the country erupt in applause? What is he imagining? More likely he would try to fly and wet his pants or something. Who thinks like this?”
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