Saturday Night Live ripped into Melania Trump for her surprise speech denying any ties to convicted sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein.
In Saturday’s cold open, Melania, played by cast member Chloe Fineman, is seen calling Trump (James Austin Johnson) to warn him about her bombshell presser.
“I decided I should do a big, random speech completely out of nowhere and say, ‘I am not Epstein’s victim.’ Is that good?” Melania asked.
“Darling, I gotta admit that sounds a little insane,” Trump replied. “Who are you, me?”
That wasn’t Melania’s only suggestion. She also raised the idea of declaring that she had “in no way helped” the Gilgo Beach serial killer.
Referring to the disgraced rapper currently serving a four-year prison sentence, Melania also asked, “What if I announce, ‘I barely partied with Diddy’? Would that help?”
“I don’t know,” said a disturbed Trump. “Melania, I’d really love to talk more, but I have a meeting with, uh, Ronald Reagan.”
The real Melania gave a baffling statement at the White House on Thursday, condemning the “lies” about her relationship to Epstein.
“I never had a relationship with Epstein or his accomplice, Maxwell,” Melania said. “My email reply to Maxwell cannot be categorized as anything more than casual correspondence.”
“I have never been friends with Epstein,” Melania clarified. “Donald and I were invited to the same parties as Epstein from time to time, since overlapping in social circles is common in New York City and Palm Beach."
The cold open featured the return of Colin Jost as Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth, who assured Trump over the phone that the war in Iran is going well.
“Iran is as obliterated as me every Saturday night—allegedly,” Jost’s Hegseth said. The real Hegseth has faced severe scrutiny over his reported drinking problem.
“We’ve destroyed everything,” Jost’s Hegseth added about Iran. “We wet their willies, tapped their sacks, and purpled every single nurple.”
