It’s a challenge that seems certain to go unmet, and yet is somewhat amusing to imagine: Ron Perlman has called on Ted Cruz to fight him for $50,000 in support of Black Lives Matter.
On Saturday, after Matt Gaetz criticized U.S. soccer teams for repealing a policy that required athletes to stand for the national anthem, Perlman tweeted at the Florida congressman, as well as Donald Trump: “The US Soccer team called and you guessed it... said they couldn’t give any less of a fuck about what you two dipshits think.” Gaetz responded by accusing Perlman of hypocrisy for having played a white supremacist leader on Sons of Anarchy. Replied Perlman, “Yessir, so true! So rewarding playing assholes on tv. Tell me sir, how is it actually being one?”
After continued back-and-forth between Gaetz and the original Hellboy, Ted Cruz decided it was time to get involved. “Listen Hellboy,” he wrote. “You talk good game when you’ve got Hollywood makeup & stuntmen. But I’ll bet $10k—to the nonpolitical charity of your choice—that you couldn’t last 5 min in the wrestling ring w/ @Jim_Jordan w/o getting pinned. You up for it? Or does your publicist say too risky?”
“I tell you what teddy boy,” Perlman replied, “since mentioning jim jordan and wrestling is... problematic, why don’t we say fuck him and just make it you & me. I’ll give 50k to Black Lives Matter and you can keep all the tax payer money you were thinking of spending.” (Multiple wrestlers from Ohio State University, where Jordan, now an Ohio congressman, once served as an assistant coach, have alleged that he knew about sexual abuse allegations against a team doctor, which Jordan has denied.)
Responding to Perlman’s challenge, Cruz shot back, “I get it, you’re rich. But, apparently, soft. You sure seem scared to wrestle Jordan (whom you keep insulting). Can’t take the heat? Need to get a manicure?”
“Teddy, Teddy,” Perlman replied, “what kind of a muthafucka offers to have another guy, probably asleep at the time, kick another guy’s ass?”
“Let’s get back to bidness ted,” Perlman concluded. “jim jordan’s too easy, just a little bitch. But you teddy, you talk shit about New York every chance you get. My hometown. It’s personal. Let’s go mofo!”
Anyway, masculinity is a prison.