This week’s cold open contrasted Mueller’s more-than-300-page report with the four-page summary submitted by Attorney General William Barr (Aidy Bryant) and President Trump’s Twitter spin.
“I am reading zero pages,” Baldwin’s Trump said. “But Sean Hannity has read it and he’s so excited, he texted me an eggplant.”
“On the charge of obstruction of justice, we have not drawn a definitive conclusion,” Mueller said, to which Barr replied, “But I have, and my conclusion is Trump clean as a whistle.” Or as Trump put it, “Free at last, free at last!” Later, he added, “Russia, if you’re watching, go to bed. Daddy won.”
“In conclusion, it is my hope this report will be made public with a few redactions,” Mueller said later, to which Trump replied, “We’re going to black out everything except the words ‘no’ and ‘collusion.’”
When Trump added, “If you shoot at the devil, you best not miss,” Kate McKinnon’s Rudy Giuliani emerged from behind the Oval Office desk to ask, “Did somebody say ‘devil?’”
“I guess I was a legal genius the whole time,” Giuliani said. “And all of my mind games worked. If you want to know what my mind games were, you have to ask the family of goblins who lives in my head and holds open my eyes.”
But Mueller got the last word: “P.S., can’t wait to see what the Southern District of New York has in store for Trump.”