With the news this week that Amazon will build its dual headquarters in New York and Washington, D.C., Saturday Night Live brought viewers a very special message from CEO Jeff Bezos, as played by host Steve Carell.
“Everyone, except for the people who live there and the people who live in all of the places we didn’t choose, is thrilled,” Bezos said of the announcement. “Some folks have speculated that I was somehow trolling President Trump by building one headquarters in his hometown of Queens and the other in his current residence of Washington, D.C., thereby overshadowing or humiliating him. But that’s simply not true.”
“Sure, he attacked me repeatedly on Twitter,” he continued as Trump’s tweets appeared on the screen around him. “But I chose our new locations because they were ideal for growing business, not just to make Donald Trump think about how I’m literally 100 times richer than he is.”
Then, in response to Trump’s attacks on the way Amazon uses the U.S. postal service, Bezos revealed the company’s latest delivery innovation: “Amazon Caravan.”
“Any package going to any Trump building will get delivered by hundreds of Honduran and Mexican immigrants and I’ll pick up the bill,” he explained. “Unless you order The Art of the Deal, because that costs more to ship, because it’s heavier. I guess that’s the only book with four Chapter 11s.”
Finally, Bezos noted that the new Virginia location will be close enough to Arlington National Cemetery so Amazon can “pay our respects to fallen veterans, even when it’s raining outside.”