Colin Jost kicked off Saturday Night Live’s “Weekend Update” this week by comparing Michael Cohen to the “chubby sewer rat” who got stuck in a manhole. “It’s this creature that usually seems gross, but under these circumstances, it’s kind of adorable and you almost feel sorry for it,” he said.
Michael Che, on the other hand, was less sympathetic. “I’m tired of Michael Cohen’s whole damsel in distress routine,” he said. “‘Oh, Mr. Trump took advantage of me, I guess I’m a fool.’ Ugh, you stole the United States presidency, why are you acting like a bitch now?”
“Your voice wasn’t trembling when you was threatening school teachers and shaking down porn stars,” he continued. “I want to hear that guy talk to Congress! At least Donald Trump has the decency to slowly fall apart until he’s dragged off in handcuffs like a boss. I mean, that’s how I want to leave SNL.”
Later, just a few hours after Trump finished his marathon two hour and 20 minute speech at the 2019 Conservative Political Action Conference on Saturday, Jost presented viewers with what can only be called the lowlights.
“It started with Trump coming out and hugging the American flag like Lenny from Of Mice and Men,” Colin Jost said. “What the hell was that? And then after that patriotic #MeToo moment, it somehow got crazier from there.”
After playing a montage that ended with Trump admitting, “I’m gonna regret this speech,” Jost added, “Well, at least he’s self-aware. Anyway, if you were curious, Trump’s handling the Cohen testimony really well.”