SNL’s Weekend Update Trashes Trump’s Cohen Defense: You’re Not ‘Totally Clear’
“I mean, if all of Santa’s elves and all of Santa’s reindeer got busted by the Feds you would not expect Santa to tweet, ‘Totally clear for Christmas. Thank you!’” said Colin Jost.
Last week’s “Weekend Update” saw co-host Michael Che deliver a hilarious bit on President Trump’s poor taste in men, including former campaign chief Paul Manafort and ex-fixer Michael Cohen, both of whom are likely going to be behind bars soon. “Honey, it’s you,” Che concluded, placing the blame squarely on Trump’s broad shoulders.
This time around, following a brief cold open featuring Robert De Niro’s Bob Mueller, Saturday Night Live’s resident “newsreaders” tackled this week’s big Mueller news—namely, that Cohen committed a felony on behalf of “Individual-1,” largely believed to be Donald Trump.
“This week, Robert Mueller released the teaser-trailer for Trump: Endgame,” joked Colin Jost, referencing the Avengers trailer. “Federal prosecutors said Friday that Michael Cohen committed two election-related crimes at the direction of a person identified as ‘Individual-1.’ Now, we don’t know for sure who ‘Individual-1’ is, but let’s just say things are getting tense right now at Individual-1 Tower.”
He added, “Earlier today, Trump called the Mueller report ‘collusion illusion,’ which is also my favorite Guns N’ Roses album, and yesterday, Trump tweeted—with no context and no explanation, ‘Totally clears the president. Thank you!’ Sounds like somebody’s been reading The Secret.”
“At some point, if every single person you hired gets indicted, the odds are you had something to do with it,” Jost concluded. “I mean, if all of Santa’s elves and all of Santa’s reindeer got busted by the Feds you would not expect Santa to tweet, ‘Totally clear for Christmas. Thank you!’”
Meanwhile, Jost’s co-host Che addressed the president’s tweet about how he’s currently cooking up a “counter report” to the Mueller report.
“Nothing says ‘you’re guilty’ more than making a counter report before the Mueller report is even out. That means he knows it’s gonna be bad,” he surmised. “It’s like when you’re watching Cops and as soon as they pull up to the house there’s a shirtless guy on the lawn saying, ‘OK now, first off, she’s lyin’!’”