OUCH

Colbert Goes Off on Supreme Court’s Three Biggest ‘D****ebags’

The three justices who voted to uphold President Trump’s tariffs all have one thing in common, according to the late-night host.

Stephen Colbert celebrated the Supreme Court’s ruling striking down President Donald Trump’s tariffs as a “victory for America” that broke down not along party lines, but along “d----ebag lines.”

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“That’s what I’m f----ing talking about!” Colbert said of the decision late Monday. The ruling last week found that Trump did not have the authority to unilaterally impose tariffs on products from dozens of U.S. trading partners under International Emergency Economic Powers Act.

“Justices, you’ve done something truly historic. You’ve made people go ‘woohoo!’ about tariffs,” Colbert said.

He then noted that while three conservative justices sided with the court’s liberals to strike down the tariffs, three scandal-plagued conservative justices signed on to a dissent saying the tariffs should have been upheld.

“It was a 6-3 ruling along partisan—not partisan, really, d-----bag—lines, with a dissent from Alito, Thomas, and Kavanaugh. Or as they’re known by their morning DJ names, Flag Man, Mr. RV, and the Boof Crew.”

Justice Samuel Alito came under fire for flying the American flag upside-down outside his house in the days leading up to President Joe Biden’s inauguration in 2021, and for displaying an “Appeal to Heaven” flag outside his vacation home in 2023.

The flags were associated with efforts to overturn Biden’s 2020 election win and, in the case of the “Appeal to Heaven” flag, white Christian nationalism.

Alito denied knowing the flags were associated with the “Stop the Steal” movement and blamed both incidents on his wife. He also refused calls to recuse himself from any cases involving the 2020 election.

Justice Clarence Thomas, meanwhile, has for years taken lavish trips funded by the conservative Texas billionaire Harlan Crow, including traveling on Crow’s private jet and his super yacht.

He also received a $267,230 loan from a former healthcare executive, Anthony Welters, to buy a luxury RV, though the loan was apparently forgiven in what a congressional expert witness described as a “sweetheart deal” that critics said would have amounted to “significant taxable income.”

And finally, Justice Brett Kavanaugh’s 2018 confirmation hearings included long interludes on the justice’s love of beer, though he insisted he never had a problem with alcohol or drank to the point of blacking out.

His Yale classmates, on the other hand, told The Washington Post that he had lied under oath, and that they had seen him “stumbling drunk to the point that it would be impossible for him to state with any degree of certainty that he remembered everything that he did when drunk.”

All nine justices are schedule to attend Trump’s State of the Union speech on Tuesday, which could be awkward given the way the president has railed against the six justices who voted to strike down the tariffs, Colbert noted.

The late-night host played a clip of Trump being asked whether the justices were still invited after the ruling.

“They are invited. Barely,” Trump replied. “Three are happily invited. No, no. They’re barely invited. Honestly, I couldn’t care less if they come.”

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“How do you ‘barely’ invite someone?” Colbert quipped. “Ted and Leanne Naughton barely request your presence at the wedding of their daughter. Honestly, they couldn’t care less if you come. Please select chicken, fish, or go f--- yourself.”

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