PUTTIN’ THE MERRY IN AMERICA

Trump Promises to Throw a Year-Long National Birthday Party If He Wins

“It’ll be something.”

Donald Trump wants to party. His latest policy pitch, Politico reports, is an epic, year-long birthday party to celebrate America’s 250th anniversary. “As a nation, we should be preparing for a most spectacular birthday party,” Trump said. “We want to make it the best of all time.” In a new campaign video, Trump said he’d convene a “Salute to America 250” task force on “day one” to plan “an entire year of festivities across the nation.” Part of the plan is launching the “Great American State Fair” on Iowa’s State Fairgrounds. “America’s tourist industry should get ready because we’re going to have a lot of people coming. It will be a record year,” Trump said. He also proposed a “Patriot Games” competition for high school athletes and reviving the canceled “National Garden of American Heroes,” but other than that, it’s not clear how exactly he plans to fill a year of celebration. Should Trump win back the presidency in 2024, he claimed his proposed shindig will run from Memorial Day 2025 to July 4, 2026. “It’ll be something,” he said.