For two decades, New York heiress Belle Burden’s husband was a perfect gentleman—until he wasn’t. Now, she wishes she’d paid more attention to one bright red flag.
“People ask me, and the book centers on, whether there were red flags during the 20 years. And I still can’t find red flags that point to him doing what he did, walking out the way he did, with no warning and no explanation,” the New York Times best-selling author of Strangers: A Memoir of Marriage told Obsessed: The Podcast guest host Joanna Coles.
But now, Burden, 56, says there were “clear signs“ that she ”willfully did not see."
Before the sudden divorce, Burden’s life was glossed with the sheen of old money. Her father was a member of the prominent Vanderbilt lineage, her mother a notable New York City urban planner, and her grandmother, Babe Paley, was one of the 1900s’ most notable socialites. Burden and her family lived on Martha’s Vineyard, playing tennis and attending social gatherings.
Two decades into her dream marriage, Burden received a phone call from a man who said his wife was having an affair with her husband. The next morning, her husband packed his bags and declared he wanted a divorce. He gave no reason.
”There were clear signs from before the time we got married—when he asked to change the prenup—that he was going to look out for himself. In some cases, at my expense," Burden said. “I willfully did not see those.”
Like many husbands and wives, Burden entered into a prenuptial agreement that all their future finances would be split in the event of divorce. Her husband, a hedge fund manager, asked her to split everything earned only if it was under their joint names.
The change seemed minimal, but Burden says she’s still feeling the impact. The house and apartment she bought were now half his. His two decades of career earnings as the sole breadwinner? She got none of that.
“I really regret not looking out for myself more financially in my marriage,” the Harvard-educated lawyer-turned-stay-at-home mother of two said. “He made a lot of money, and he kept it all in his name—or the vast bulk of it in his name that he didn’t use for expenses.”
Even as a corporate lawyer, Burden signed off on tax returns and bills without reading them.
“I somehow convinced myself that I couldn’t understand it or that he was better able to understand and manage it, and I trusted him completely,” Burden said.
Looking back, Burden believes she could’ve realized he had one foot out the door.
“I think the moments that I thought about it were when he was reaching new levels of success,” the author said. “I just thought, ‘OK, he’s fulfilling his dream. He’s reaching financial success. And I have signed something that does not give me any participation in his success.’”
In the same interview, Burden recalled the one activity that got her off the bathroom floor, how Coles helped her during the divorce, and how her doctor blamed her for the shock divorce. “I have a new gynecologist, thank god,” she quipped.
Burden’s memoir Strangers was released in January and has stayed near the top of the New York Times Best Sellers List for weeks.
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