Jimmy Fallon was deathly serious about making it onto Saturday Night Live, to the point that he’d considered suicide if he didn’t make it on the show “by the age of 25.”
Fallon made the comments during an appearance on the Diary of a CEO podcast. “I wrote that in something, in some journal or something… If I don’t get on Saturday Night Live by the age of 25, that I’ll kill myself.” Achieving his goal by “25 was my thing,” he explained.
The comedian made it happen just in time, as he joined SNL in 1998 at 24 years old and became a “Weekend Update” host in 2000 before leaving the show in 2004. Even though he went on to enjoy a coveted career in late night as the host of Late Night with Jimmy Fallon and now The Tonight Show, he still recalls his dogged intensity about getting a spot on the SNL cast.
When host Steven Bartlett asked whether or not Fallon “meant” it when he wrote down that he’d end his own life if he didn’t get the job, his guest said, “Yeah, I did.” But then, he jokingly added, “I knew that I was going to be on Saturday Night Live, so I guess I didn’t really mean it.”
Even if he had to go about it in a roundabout way as “an extra or walk in the background,” Fallon explained, “I would have found some way.”
Fallon said he had been at a pretty low point at that point in his career, experiencing constant rejection as he was trying to “make it” in comedy, which had started to get to him. “I’m a pretty positive guy in general, but I think that was probably my lowest looking back,” he said. “I remember trying to see what therapy was or if I could afford a therapist or what that meant, or why, because I was just breaking down mentally, like, what have I done? I’ve kind of made these decisions, and I wasn’t getting anywhere.”
“I think I wrote a letter to my best friend, like, ‘I’m losing it dude,’” he said. “I don’t know if I can afford to keep failing. I can’t live in an apartment if you don’t make money. I can’t afford gas to get to the audition. You can’t eat.”
“I think it was something to the point, like, ‘I’m losing it and I don’t know if I can make it. I don’t know what else to do with my life,’” he added.
But then he had the SNL audition that “changed everything.” One of things he remembers most was being told several times ahead of the audition that show boss Lorne Michaels “doesn’t laugh.” Fallon said he got an opposite reaction from Michaels when he auditioned using his Adam Sandler impression. “I remember Lorne started laughing,” he said.
“And I go, ‘That’s cool. That’s a cool story even if I don’t get Saturday Night Live,” Fallon recalled. “That’s a good story. I’ll tell my kids. I made Lorne Michaels laugh on the set of Saturday Night Live.’”
Fallon teared up as he recalled calling his mom to tell her the news that he’d landed a spot in the cast. “It’s the end of Rocky, you know, it’s the thing,” he said, choked up. “It’s like, I did it. You did it. That’s insane.” He added, “It’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
