Welcome to UNMISSABLE, the Daily Beast’s Obsessed’s guide to the one thing you need to watch today. Whether it’s the most gripping streaming show, the most hilarious comedy, the movie which you’ll never forget, or the deliciously catty reality TV meltdown, we bring you the real must-see of the day—every day.
America’s “most Baby Gorgeous pop culture phenomenon” has sprinted past 100 episodes with ease, flying through more storylines than most shows tell in a lifetime. Only, the ladies have no time to take a victory lap.
Instead, they’re fighting for their lives.
Salt Lake City is melting down, every moment of tonight’s icy reunion sending the Housewives scrambling to find some common ground before they all drown. It’s a war of mutually assured destruction, one so nasty it would kill a Beverly Hills Housewife on impact. For us sadists, though, it’s a beautiful foray into the lovely gutter that is Utah.
Fresh off a court-mandated minute of pleasantries, we dive right into the deep end, as Meredith says Whitney was “fall-down drunk” at BravoCon, begging for off-camera friendship while stabbing her in the back, front, and side.
Whitney disagrees, saying she has “always supported” and “loved” Meredith, and she just doesn’t get why they can’t be friends. Sure, she keeps calling her a liar, and yes, she flat-out said she’s a drug addict, but that’s just a girl being silly.
The world according to Whitney is one where you can say and do absolutely anything you want as long as you attribute it to your inability to be anything but honest on your “hilling journey.” The Real Housewives, like everyone else in society, love the “do as I say, not as I do” approach.
Once transcendent of team lines, The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City has fallen firmly down the path where everything is black and white—and nothing can be solved. To cede any facet of your argument is to knock every domino down, in the Housewives’ eyes, so they sit on the reunion stage in vicious disgust of each other, tossing out ruthless jabs and effortless one-liners as the ice caps melt all around.
Nevertheless, Lisa Barlow stands tall on a glacier of her own delusion, battling the entire cast (sans Meredith) in what’s become a reunion norm. Maybe it’s her silky, straight hair or maybe it’s her deep-rooted delusions, but Lisa lives to get under everyone’s skin, without any idea how or why.
“She plays with really high stakes, and she’s going to fight to the death,” Heather puts it, launching into a flat-out fight after a season of stoked tensions and proxy wars. As Lisa dismisses “riding for someone” as a “very Utah thing,” it’s almost like we’re back in the simple days of Season 1 thumbs-up f--- you’s and good time girl allegations.
It’s a bristling dynamic that grounds the entire show in its religious melodrama, pairing expertly with the cast’s humorous stylings. Enter Whitney, claiming she thought Lisa missed the RV trip to get a facelift in Miami. Every time Bad Weather seems played out, the dysfunctional duo reminds us why they’ve lasted six years.
Then there’s Bronwyn, whose drama with Lisa is much more mercurial, the two unable to giggle together or find some levity between blows. That makes sense given Bronwyn’s role as the most rehearsed Housewife, while Lisa’s a word-vomiter of the highest degree. Lisa throws a lunch to discuss the “dismissed” lawsuits against her, and Bronwyn speaks in an Instagram story on why she can’t discuss her own charges.
Each hangs herself with a very different rope, but the end result is the same: an ugly, low-down feud that basically ensures nothing will ever be feel-good so long as the two share the stage. One argues in semantics, the other in circles, hatred seeping out of every word.
“Up until when we were in Greece, you were saying my husband’s a dirty old man, a pervert,” Bronwyn says.
“Yeah, he is,” Lisa smiles in response.
This is one of many moments where resolution seems impossible; the cast’s once Play-Doh-like ability to mold in any new direction evidently hardened. That’s why the Angie vs. Lisa moments are such a relief, serving as a reminder that no matter how dark or disturbed the drama gets, these two are too deluded to make any meaningful strides toward victory.
It’s very welcome to segue into how Lisa feels about Angie’s Arby’s ad, as a fast-food connoisseur herself: “People have all benefited from my wins, and that’s exciting for them.” Never change, Baby Gorgeous.
It’s even more welcome that the reunion devotes an entire segment to the show’s success, something that could feel self-indulgent if not for the narrative’s own circle back to the beginning. The group has oscillated between so many dynamics that it’s only fitting the season ended where Season 1 began: Lisa and Meredith on one side, Heather and Whitney on the other.
Here, Heather offers a sliver of vulnerability, wistfully calling back to the woman she was when the show began. It was the Season 1 reunion where Heather first showed her thorns, revealing she’s not the innocent foil to Lisa Barlow.
Five years later, Heather has come undone, finally a full-fledged character with her flaws laid out on stage. The Lisa vs. Heather reprise carries the reunion, even in moments neither is speaking, as every fight and feud essentially crawls back to them. Theirs is a dynamic that would be rife with conflict for years to come, even if cameras were to come down. Bronwyn and Lisa will cease to exist in the same realm the second the show ends.
As Heather and Lisa call back to the beginning (“You’ve come to events with Daniel Radcliffe, the Bella twins launch, and you don’t know what the f--- I do?”), the central feud finally roots itself in something tangible for the first time in many moons.
And here comes Angie with another scroll. The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City is in a tug-of-war between overproduced stunts and spontaneity, so it’s only fair to end on a little sliver of fluff.
After all, when the reunion comes to an end, a puddle will sit where the once-monstrous glaciers of Salt Lake City stood tall. Look out for falling ice.
