Every once in a while Stephen Colbert does a segment on The Late Show that rivals the best of his work on The Colbert Report. Tonight was one of those nights.
With Fox News host Tucker Carlson under fire and losing advertisers after accusing immigrants of making America “poorer and dirtier and more divided” last week, Colbert sat down behind his desk for an old-school takedown. “Carlson’s already got a reputation for flirting with racism, but last week, he took it to a racy new level,” the host began.
After playing a brief clip of Carlson’s comments, the host said, “Now, if just listening to him say that makes you feel dirty and more divided, you’re not alone. Tucker got a lot of heat for those remarks, but he’s nothing if not the little racist who could. And he came chuggin’ back up that hill on Monday with a new reason he doesn’t like immigrants: He just cares so darn much about the environment.”
Yes, even as more advertisers fled his show, Carlson doubled down this week, arguing that immigration is “hurting this country’s natural landscape.”
“Right, good point, because Americans never do that,” Colbert responded. “Have you seen the desert after Coachella? I don’t hear Tucker calling to deport a bunch of Forever 21-wearing white girls named Blake.”
“But despite the critics, Tucker is staying focused,” the host added. “Yesterday, while every news outlet was covering some trivial story about the president’s former national security adviser getting a federal prison sentence, Tucker was hitting the hard news.”
Colbert was referring to a Carlson segment denouncing the gender-neutral concept of “gingerbread people,” during which his guest Tammy Bruce declared “obviously, they’re men.”
Channeling his Colbert Report persona, Colbert said, “Yeah, and if we accept gingerbread people, what’s next? Lady fingers become people fingers? Instead of Lorna Doones, I’ve got to eat Larry Doones?”
“Fox News viewers need the reassurance that all foods have a clearly delineated gender, so let me help Fox viewers out,” Colbert added. “Fruit by the Foot, clearly male. Bread is female. Cheese Danishes are elderly widows, a two-pack of Twinkies are fraternal male twins, chocolate-dipped pretzel rods are single women in their thirties still figuring it out, and the tainted cookie dough that got recalled for salmonella poisoning is Tucker Carlson.”