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Why Rich People Are So Miserable
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Battles over great fortunes usually reveal controlling, narcissistic parents and lonely children.
There she is again, Brooke Astor on the front page of the New York Post. A current juicy scandal served up with your morning coffee. Friends and associates are cluck-clucking about how the people involved, all such private people, would have hated the new revelations about the alleged mistreatment, neglect, manipulation and fraud perpetrated on Mrs. Astor by her son Anthony Marshall as revealed in Meryl Gordon’s excellent new book Mrs. Astor Regrets. Oh, how terrible. Oh, how fascinating! Admit it, it wouldn’t be tabloid fodder unless there were a complicitous audience waiting to read all about it.
The Brooke Astor I knew was a warm and wise friend full of verve with an unexpected point of view that, although not always easy to accept, was usually on target—not cynical but unflinchingly realistic. It wasn’t the public occasions that I remember so vividly but the quiet nights with only a few people, say Christmas where Oscar de la Renta in perfect pitch sang carols acapella and Brooke’s face, as she held Annette’s hand, reflected complete repose and joy. We shall not see her like again.
There are two kinds of rich men’s sons, the overcompensators who have some chance of becoming men, and those who don’t enter the competition and remain forever boys.
But what this case provides is not found in personal recollections such as my own, but in the rare window it provides for the public to view inherited wealth: Not just substantial unearned money but vast riches, seemingly enough to fulfill one’s wildest fantasies. Only, as in a Grimm’s fairy tale, there’s a comeuppance. In a recession or depression, such as we are now experiencing, public exposure of this kind of tragic situation has deep resonances. The psychological reaction is this: I may not have a fortune or social cache, but I have all the things these people lack—emotional support, a work ethic, a functional family and most importantly, love. When I wrote Little Gloria . . . Happy At Last about the 1934 trial between Gertrude Vanderbilt Whitney and Gloria Vanderbilt for the custody of ten-year old Little Gloria, these feelings were part and parcel of the child’s “poor little rich girl” image, one that might also be applied to Doris Duke or the isolated Vincent Astor himself.
Over the years, I’ve become somewhat of an expert on the meretricious aspects of inherited wealth. (Ms. Gordon said my writing both inspired and provided a road map for her.)Over thirty years ago, I tackled the subject in The Straw Man. On page one the ne’er do well passive protagonist Bertie Royceman observes, “It’s not easy to be the son of a very rich man. It abstracts you from life. It is my observation that as a group the [children] of the extremely wealthy suffer damage. A few escape [but most] trapped beneath the shadow of power never see their own sun . . . Others overcompensate . . . These are the two kinds of rich men’s sons, the overcompensators who have some chance of becoming men, and those who don’t enter the competition and remain forever boys.”
In Johnson v. Johnson the six children of Seward Johnson, each of whom were worth over one hundred million dollars sued Barbara “Basia” Piasecka Johnson, constantly and wrongly referred to in the tabloids as “the Polish maid,” for a portion of his fortune. In my opinion, this was a matter that could have been settled over a cup of tea had not childhood damage and dysfunction played so great a role.
In these public cases all sorts of dirty linen is exposed. Battles over such great fortunes usually reveal (take your pick) controlling, narcissistic, uncommunicative, neglectful parents and isolated lonely children exposed to enormous luxury, who are given little chance to develop a sense of self worth. I was struck by the fact that little Gloria Vanderbilt and Anthony Marshall both had Trust funds invaded by their parents and both had nannies who gave them love and stability, but were summarily fired. These unhappy dramas usually play out against a background of boredom, profligacy, infidelities, divorces, drinking and so forth.
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Jacob Bernstein is a senior reporter at The Daily Beast. Previously, he was a features writer at WWD and W Magazine. He has also written for New York magazine, Paper, and The Huffington Post.
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Lloyd Grove is editor at large for The Daily Beast. He is also a frequent contributor to New York magazine and was a contributing editor for Condé Nast Portfolio. He wrote a gossip column for the New York Daily News from 2003 to 2006. Prior to that, he wrote the Reliable Source column for the Washington Post, where he spent 23 years covering politics, the media, and other subjects.
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Jeff Madrick is a contributor to the New York Review of Books and a former economics columnist for the New York Times. He is editor of Challenge Magazine, visiting professor of humanities at Cooper Union, and senior fellow at the New School's Schwartz Center for Economic Policy Analysis. He is the author of Taking America, The End of Affluence (Random House) and The Case for Big Government.
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Barbara Goldsmith is the bestselling author and historian of five award-winning books. Ms. Goldsmith has been elected to the American Academy of Arts and Sciences and was recently designated a “Living Landmark” by the New York Landmark Conservancy.
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Barbara Goldsmith is the bestselling author and historian of five award-winning books. Ms. Goldsmith has been elected to the American Academy of Arts and Sciences and was recently designated a “Living Landmark” by the New York Landmark Conservancy.
Inherited wealth is completely contrary to our notion of working to get ahead. It is highly detrimental to society and obviously detrimental to individuals as well. As long as there are people walking around rich as hell who never had to work a day in their lives, it is a massive affront to those of us working two or more jobs just to keep the banks and insurance companies at bay. There is NO REASON to allow people to pass along hundreds of millions of dollars to their spawn. No individual needs this much money. Hey! I've got an idea for America! Tax the rich! Really!
Barbara Goldsmith is right about the rich and miserable. It takes great discipline and intelligence to keep wealth from ruining lives.
Ms. Goldsmith wrote one of my favorite books: Little Gloria, Happy at Last. It's a fascinating social history of another era -- a story of great wealth and the damage it can do. The book centers on a dramatic custody battle between equally unappealing women, neither especially interested in Gloria's lonely life.The book illustrates the lack of psychological insight into the emotions of children that was typical of the time.
If you want a great read, almost impossible to believe details about the lives of the rich, read this book!
I don't envy anyone with money, but I do dislike those who flaunt it about and feel the need to show off.....that really makes me sick.
If you have money whether you came by it working hard or inheritence...it's nice to remember where you came from and to help those less fortunate than you.
I definately don't think money buys you happiness....how can it,you buy eveything you want and what do you have after that to look forward to, nothing!!!!
It's better to be comfortable and happy than rich and sad....we see over and over how miserable some of these folks are with money, who needs that?
Money is the root of all evil, not a perfect cure for happiness.
Poor little rich people, indeed! I would much rather spend my compassion on actual poor people who go through the same trials of self-actualization only under the far more smothering shadow of POVERTY and who have no access to the resources that could best help them.
And, really, how pretentious is someone who quotes her own book as evidence of her claim? Pretentious and disingenious. You can't really use your own opinion as support for your own opinion.
Jeez.
As someone who grew up poor and made a lot of money, I worried about how it would affect the ambition of my daughter. She attends a snooty private school and came back the other day and said, "I just hate rich people". I was proud of her. While she knows we are not poor, she still has no idea. I only wish I could be there to watch when they read my will.
I'm happy I have money, that's what makes me comfortable. Knowing I'm able to buy food and clothing for my family with out having to worry about how much I'm spending.
I'm not one to buy anything lavious, we live very modestly. I've never been one to flaunt it. When it comes to paying bills or what ever we need, I have the money to do so comfortably with out feeling robbed. Nothing wrong with having money, keeping your head about it is the key.
Ms. Goldsmith - so happy to see your byline.
Your book Little Gloria, Happy at Last is one of my absolute favorites. Have read numerous times.
One wonders what kind of person Michael Jackson would be if he had a so-called "normal" upbringing. He's the poster child for "Money Can't Buy Happiness." What did he see in the mirror that compelled him to make such drastic physical changes over the years? I'm guessing he would have traded a "normal" childhood for all his fame and money.
"We shall not see her like again" ? Good Grief, let's hope not.
I think both the very rich and the very poor are removed from society (not "high society"). The rich never have to see poverty or interact with "real" people, never have to experience need (except, perhaps, for the need for love). The poor are stuck in blighted neighborhoods with little or no access to a good education, cultural experiences, travel, or interaction with people outside of their enclaves.
Ms. Goldsmith writes: "Buffet's children now have lots of money, but I remember reading an article early on where his daughter was quoted as saying she didn't really want a fortune from him but would appreciate enough to paint the kitchen."
I read recently that in fact Buffet's children did NOT have lots of money and, now well into midlife, they have some resentment about it - hence the daughter's comment that she would appreciate enough to paint the kitchen.
Is there a fact-checker at the Daily Beast? Does Ms. Goldsmith check her facts?
One premise that is helpful in understanding the opulently rich is that the majority of them emulate the monarchs of history, in that they come to believe they truly deserve the absolute best of everything all the time, regardless of who or how many suffer for it. Most of them, even those who practice philanthropy, believe the rest of us are here to fulfill their needs and wishes, no matter how extravagant.
I love, love, loved "Little Gloria Happy at Last"!
Here's what being rich means to me. When I go to McDonald's, I get whatever I want. I always fill up my gas tank (never ten bucks worth), I know if the furnace breaks I can get it fixed and my big luxury is I only buy hard cover books...no more paperback with the small type. The difference between me having been poor, then rich is I don't sweat it as much as the "born rich". I know I can live poor if I have to. I've already done it. They can't imagine it.
Read Ms. Goldsmith's essay closely as a precursor to my new book entitled: WHY POOR PEOPLE ARE SO HAPPY--A PERSONAL ACCOUNT.
Great piece. Loved the reference to Philip Larkin. The first stanza of that same poem you quote may be more apropos: "They f-ck you up, your mom and dad, They may not mean to but they do. They fill you with the faults they had, Then add some extras, just for you." One of my favorite openings of all time.
Tolstoy said happy families all alike, unhappy families are unhappy in their own way. I'm going to say that all unhappy families generally lack respect, integrity and accountability in some aspect and children and family systems erode as a result. Money only distracts everyone from that process.
Maybe your next blog should be "Why poor folks are so happy." Honestly, in times like these, to bemoan the inability of super wealthy folks to be happy (while driving $100,000 cars, flying private planes, living in mansions, attending lavish parties, living off the work of others, etc) to me is just plain ludicrous. Oscar De La Renta sings well while Brooke looks on joyfully? WHO CARES? Well, you may, but I sure as hell don't.
Sorry, Ms. Goldsmith, but there are messed up, miserable families in EVERY strata of society, it's just the wealthy who get the ink. And you're the one who supplies it.
Ms Goldsmith-I loved your article! And I want to read "Little Gloria"!"
"The rich are different"-yep,they are! It seems that a lot of times they're miserable, selfish and lonely.
A priest in a wealthy parish once told me"I hear it all the time "Father, I have everything money can buy-but NOBODY loves me."
It's baffling to me how or why the rich can ignore all the poverty in the world and spend it all on themselves-and then spend even more on analysis to find out why all of that money hasn't brought them happiness!
Money does not make you happy if you use it for your own personal selfish reasons.Not saying you shouldn't enjoy it but
at some point greed sets in.Then enough is never enough.
There are a lot of rich happy people i believe they have a purpose for thier wealth and know what to do with it,Others use
it to buy things and stuff and people.
Here we go again another negative article about the top 1%, What has happened to America? It is baffling to me why we, as a culture, want to demonizing the rich? Where would America be without them? They pay most of the tax burden, but it's never enough. They contribute millions to charity. They support our universities and the arts. They employ millions. And yet the media wants to tar and feather them. I guess being a working class hero is something to be, huh?.I'll continue working hard and live the American dream thank you very much.
I don't think that I would mind trying "being rich." Like everything in life. Things get old after awhile. I think the difficult part is the excess family in the wood works, the new friends, and instant fame due to your wallet. Don't know how this would be. Perhaps, a week would be fun. However, as a mom and middle income family. Paying the bills, getting ready for the holidays and sending cards out for the New Year feels pretty rich!!!
Two words - "Paris Hilton"
What a stupid generalization. I believe that inherited wealth and happiness/unhappiness must be related to the environment in which one is raised. Anderson Cooper is the son of Gloria Vanderbilt and, although I don't know whether or not Mr. Anderson is happy, since he has experienced much sadness, but he certainly is working hard to make his own way in the world. And JFK's and RFK's children give back to the world in positive ways. Sure, they are fodder at times for the tabloids but, on whole, I find them admirable. And maybe this doesn't apply, but Tom Friedman is married to the daughter of a billionaire and Tom seems to be doing pretty well on his own. Just some thoughts.
An elegantly crafted piece by a world-class writer. Goldsmith reinforces how parents can grow Samaritans or sociopaths.
Thank you.
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