Blogs and Stories
Grandma-in-Chief
)
Joe Raedle/Getty
When Michelle Obama's mother, Marian Robinson, moves to Washington, she'll help redefine the notion of the 'all-American' family.
Marian Robinson, Michelle Obama’s 71-year-old mother, is moving to the White House to help make the transition smoother for her grandchildren, Malia and Sasha.
Her plan to accompany the Obamas represents a kind of on-the-ground cultural reality: Among African Americans and certain other ethnic groups, extended families are more common than among middle-class white families. My grandmother was certainly a constant presence when I was growing up—indeed, my parents bought my grandmother’s house and we all lived there together. Similarly, my great-aunts raised their families in a sequence of homes that were all more or less next door to one another; I used to think everyone in the neighborhood was a cousin of some sort. And having spent my life in academia, it’s interesting to note that at every school I’ve taught, at graduation there’s frequently a divergence over tickets: Black and Latino families tend toward an average of around ten tickets so as not to exclude extended family, while white families more commonly define themselves by the “all-American” stereotype of two parents plus two children.
African-American families like Michelle Obama’s have generally culturally attached to an “immediate” family that includes grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins to the third or fourth degree.
For all the kerfuffle about Robinson’s relocation, however, the Obamas will hardly be the first extended family moving to Washington—and even into the White House. But it hasn’t happened since Franklin Roosevelt, who brought his grandchildren with him. And so for more than half a century, we’ve been looking at life in the White House through the lens of a post-Depression, postwar model of nuclear family. It has been a model based on an expanding economy, growing suburbs, and the kind of geographic liberation cheap automobiles afforded. It was based on the GI Bill’s enabling young families to afford their own homes, thus leaving extended family and troublesome in-laws behind. Women could finally stop being Rosie the Riveter; men could stop living in Hooverville tents. There was, at long last, a chicken in every pot and a car in every garage.
At the same time, that particular reconfiguration of the smaller, mobilized family spreading out to enjoy boom times did not describe everyone in society. Single or poor working mothers, like Barack Obama’s, remained close to their extended families; indeed, that’s how he came to live with his grandparents for extended periods of time. Similarly, certain ethnic groups, including African-American families like Michelle Obama’s, have generally remained not just economically dependent but culturally attached to an “immediate” family that includes grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins to the third or fourth degree. It’s not surprising, therefore, to see that cultural legacy reflected in the Obamas’ domestic arrangements: There were cousins and uncles on the stage during Obama’s acceptance in Grant Park. There were sisters and in-laws all over the stage at the convention last August.
Marian Robinson is often described as the “linchpin” of the Obama family—and she’s largely responsible for the family’s ability to devote themselves to public service. She and her late husband never attended college but sent both of their children to Princeton. Only recently retired from her job as a secretary, she has been the one who kept the girls’ lives to a normal routine while their parents have been on the campaign trail—who got them to school, supervised homework, and put them to bed.
The timing seems right for an iconic American family that depends on a granny rather than a nanny. In the last few years of exhaustion and economic downturn, there has been a shift away from thinking that floors will mop themselves or that moms can really effortlessly whip up 30-minute gourmet meals after a long day at the office.
It is hard to be a parent. It is hard to earn a living in the modern workplace. It is very hard to do both, and it’s damn near impossible to do both without a whole lot of help from other people. The promise that fathers would be parenting partners and that women might “have it all” seems to have migrated away from questions of open doors and equal pay, and collapsed into the burdensome lie that any individual woman should be able to do “it” all by herself and all at the same time.
Thus we have the dizzying and hilarious spectacle of Sarah Palin trying to negotiate a spate of interviews in the kitchen, juggling questions about energy policy, double standards, and handmade potholders. What calculated imagery of tight-rope walking: There she was in a jeweled necklace and black Oscar de la Renta suit, stirring stew and serving hot dogs, expressing her intention to “call Hillary tomorrow” to express her gratitude for cracking that glass ceiling.
That image is why I resist thinking of Michelle Obama as “mom-ified,” as some have called her. She’s doing one thing at a time. She works, she shops, she mothers, but she remains sane. She relies on her mother, her brother, her co-workers, her friends to make things work. Her husband has done the same. Their dependence on a close network of others is a fact. As a result, their life seems balanced: They’re consistently calm and collected; neither makes work look irrelevant or parenting look like a dead end; and their children shine with that reflected intelligence and their own good manners.
As our culture becomes more varied and diasporic—and as our economy continues its awful downward spiral—I suspect we will engineer new or hybrid models of both work and family. Like the Obamas, we will learn how to depend on one another in cycles of sharing and independence, foregrounding certain talents at one point, and others at another. The role of primary breadwinner may go back and forth between partners over the course of a career. In a globalized world, the education of children can no longer be considered an entirely domestic affair, or derogated as lesser, or “merely” women’s work. And ultimately, the American workplace—as soon to be modeled by the incoming occupants of the White House—cannot, must not, remain so enduringly hostile to the needs of family life.
Patricia J. Williams has been published widely in the areas of race, gender, and law, and on other issues of legal theory and legal writing. Her books include The Alchemy of Race and Rights; The Rooster's Egg; and Seeing a ColorBlind Future: The Paradox of Race. She is a also a columnist for The Nation.
The Right Dumps Carrie
Jacob Bernstein is a senior reporter at The Daily Beast. Previously, he was a features writer at WWD and W Magazine. He has also written for New York magazine, Paper, and The Huffington Post.
What's Joe's Problem?
Lloyd Grove is editor at large for The Daily Beast. He is also a frequent contributor to New York magazine and was a contributing editor for Condé Nast Portfolio. He wrote a gossip column for the New York Daily News from 2003 to 2006. Prior to that, he wrote the Reliable Source column for the Washington Post, where he spent 23 years covering politics, the media, and other subjects.
Geithner's Stock Plummeting
Jeff Madrick is a contributor to the New York Review of Books and a former economics columnist for the New York Times. He is editor of Challenge Magazine, visiting professor of humanities at Cooper Union, and senior fellow at the New School's Schwartz Center for Economic Policy Analysis. He is the author of Taking America, The End of Affluence (Random House) and The Case for Big Government.
My Martha's Vineyard Close Encounter
Patricia J. Williams is the author of The Alchemy of Race and Rights; The Rooster's Egg; and Seeing a ColorBlind Future: The Paradox of Race. She is a also a columnist for The Nation.
Obama and the Black Elite
Patricia J. Williams is the author of The Alchemy of Race and Rights; The Rooster's Egg; and Seeing a ColorBlind Future: The Paradox of Race. She is a also a columnist for The Nation.
A Persistent Pioneer
Patricia J. Williams is the author of The Alchemy of Race and Rights; The Rooster's Egg; and Seeing a ColorBlind Future: The Paradox of Race. She is a also a columnist for The Nation.
As someone from one of those ethnics communities you described, it's always seemed strange to me that when people say they want it all, they really do mean to do it all themselves. My first memories were of my grandparents who cared for me when my parents were at work and it seems the most natural thing for grandchildren to be left with grandparents when their parents aren't available. When I have children, I expect the same from my parents and I'm glad the Obamas are demonstrating the many ways in which we can "have it all".
I believe someone once said "It takes a village"...and she was right.
This article is very interesting but it's a shame that she has to compare Palin unfavourably with Michelle Obama. It's not Palin's fault if she doesn't get enough support, it is Michelle Obama's happy lot that she does.
My black single mother friends are far more likely to have a full-time job than white single mothers in the UK, mostly because they get family support. Every holiday, every day after school, their mums will look after their kids. My parents, baby boomers, are too busy swanning around the world spending the inheritance. Good for them, you might say but it doesn't help societal cohesion.
This is a great analysis. I was part of an extended family also. My parents could have been the role model for the original play upon which the Days of Wine & Roses was based and Grandma and Grandpa would always arrive to bail us out. I spent half my early childhood at Grandma's house or cabin. If a mother & father have to work--and two incomes are almost obligatory, who best to aid in raising the kids than members of the extended family. Barack would not have survived without Grandma and that had to have helped him become more than satisfied with this arrangement. Models are so important, and the White House will serve a a model in a number of different ways to a new generation. Again, Good Story.
hooray for this woman; anyone who lacks a college education and sends her kids to princeton, and will help with the raising of the children can live in the WH for the next 8 years. extended families is a fact of life. and a good one at that.
As a white Canadian with a working class poor background, I am often shocked at what I read in the American press. Do white people (poor, middle class, or rich) who have large extended families on which they can rely not exist in America? My family certainly does, as do most of my friends' families: rich, poor and in between. I love and respect everything the Obamas stand for, but, for pity's sake, why does it seem that everything written about them is ultimately about race?
If they all get along, I think it is great....it seems that the whole family are very grounded and such a nice regular family.
Michelle and Barack came across as a really lovely fun couple in the Barbara Walter's interview and they have good family values for their two girls which I find very refreshing.
It will be great to watch these two girls grow up in the White House and see how they turn into young ladies...they have two very smart, loving parents that's for sure.
It is common here in Canada. Maybe because we are a country of immigrants. Extended families living together and raising children together happens. Not on every block but enough that I don't find it strange nor do I associate it with one group or another. I am the product of a new Candadian from Scotland and well established French Canadian and both sides of the family were apart of our daily lives and as our grandparents aged we took care of them. It all seemed normal to me.
It is a shame that a good exposition of Michelle Obama's case you feel the need to bash Palin. Why is that? I am moved by both women's attempts in their own way to manage their careers and their families. Looking down your nose can blind you.
What a perfect article, especially at Thanksgiving.. Yes, my grandparents were important to my life, too. What a shame that so many families are disjointed today. People move away. Perhaps it's the competitive aim which we all think is a good thing has wedged into family life (not a good thing). Somehow to prove our worth, we must overtake my siblings, be richer, have a bigger house - sad. And then we wonder why they aren't around for us in our times of need. Growing up, my sister and I spent almost every winter weekend at my grandparents farm. My grandfather, a lawyer, would pick up us on Friday afternoon and my parents would come out for Sunday "dinner" (at noon). And, my aunt & uncle who lived nearby would also always be there. This allowed three things - my sister and I spending great time with our grandparents (and aunt & uncle) AND our parents got to spend some quality time alone AND three generations sitting down in the dinner room enjoying Sunday dinner, talking, laughing for hours... Funny, but as a child I never "got" the importance of my parents having time just to themselves - I just though my sister and I got a little mini vacation on Friday & Saturday... and I never "got" the importance of knowing my grandparents or aunt & uncle as more than just someone who gave us gifts... instead we knew their friends, we participated in their daily lives...Our lives had a wider circle ... And therefore, we felt somehow safer.....but I didn't think about that at the time - I just thought it was what families do!
Barack Obama was the best candidate for President.... But with this election, this country got more than the best choice. The entire Obama Clan, hopefully, can teach us all a valuable lesson - family, REAL family values.... not a campaign slogan...
First I just want to say I keep hoping Michelle runs for President after Barack has had his run: she's full of intelligence, common sense, a charming lack of trying to prove herself while she accomplishes so much.
Secondly, clearly Michelle and Barack had a 'good village', not everyone does.
And last, while dominanting WASP culture is fiercely independent (and that has given a lot of world blessings like the rise of individual recognition and rights) it should be pointed out this extended family value and capability actually isn't a racial/cultural superiority: Barack's active extended family was the Euro-descended one.
European-based culture is not monolithic.
It's funny this is cast as a "kindly grandmother" story, leaving out the whole "mother-in-law is moving in" angle. It's not enough that President-elect Obama has the Future of This Country and other unrealistic expectations foisted upon him, but he has to deal with his mother-in-law hanging around, too.
"Among African Americans and certain other ethnic groups, extended families are more common than among middle-class white families."
As a middle-class white, I see the same extended family values as African-Americans have.
My Dutch/English heritage in-laws helped their divorced and never-remarried daughter raise their two granddaughters. As children, my nieces spent far more time with their grandparents. Now, far too old to raise children, they are besotted by their great granddaughter. My husband and I gave money. We all helped when help was needed.
On my side of the family, my cousins are raising their grandchildren after the death of their daughter to cancer, and their son-in-law's abandonment of his children as he mourned the loss of his wife and fell into the meth-drug culture. We are English (with lots of others) heritage people.
I meet people of all ethnic backgrounds helping their families. I think that it is the American way. We hear so much of the bad stuff that the goodness in our country gets lost, and doesn't even get a sound bite. I am completely enthralled with the whole Obama experience. I look forward to Mrs. Robinson living in the White House. I am also looking forward to Joe Biden's mother living with him at Number One Observatory Circle.
How smug is this writer. I am white and came from a whole family AND my grandmother lived with us and I shared a room with her and we were oh my gosh white and middle class. Many of my friends had grandparents in the home and next door. My children saw their grandparents on a regular basis growing up. It is terrific that Mrs. Robinson will live in the White House but DO NOT disparage other families to make your point.
My wife and I live three blocks away from our son and daughter-in-law; we take care of their daughter, our granddaughter, two days each week.
The downturn in the economy has made our son and daughter-in-law extremely vulnerable financially; and we have begun to think, on and off, about what it might be like to have them live with us in our five-bedroom Victorian house.
Houses like ours were built for multi-generational occupancy and even a servant or two. So there's no lack of space. What I wonder is, how would people who've grown up with and lived the two parents/two children model adapt to having to share and consult and be diplomatic and thoughtful and forgiving not just with one other person, but with four, one of them a toddler?
Part of me is intrigued by the potential for sharing and more efficient use of resources as well as an even closer connection to my granddaughter. And the other part of me fears a loss of autonomy, privacy and choice.
But if the economy continues to contract and my son and daughter-in-law lose their jobs, I may have no choice but to make my home theirs as well.
It's life. Don't take it so seriously. Ozzie and Harriet were not real, after all. If Mrs. Robinson moves into the White House, it will just show us all we are not all that different from the "American Royalty." How sweet is that? It's what America and democracy should be all about.
As someone who grew up never seeing any of my extended family at all, I envy those who do. My father's family didn't believe my mother was good enough, and my mother's family all lived far away. Thankfully, my kids (birth and step) have been fortunate to have at least one grandparent close by and the others are frantically jealous they don't get to participate. It's not quite the same ideal the author proposes, with the live in granny, as the elders of my family are either too sick or still working, but maybe we'll be able to do it differently with our kids.
I'm African American and I did not grow up raised by my grandparents or other extended family. My parents, then just my mother, raised me and my siblings as both my parents were only children, the nucleus of our nuclear family was quite small indeed.
It was extremely hard -- my mother was hardly an exemplary parent and we had no money -- but I wouldn't have wanted to be raised by my grandparents; although basically good people, they had a lot of old-fashioned ideas.
I'm glad this arrangement works for the Obamas, but let's not get carried away by fantasy.
As I said, this arrangement for the Obamas sounds eminently workable for them, but there's a reason that people with economic means move away from their families.
In addition, I'm not sure that perpetuating the idea of the older black woman as the automatic caretaker is helpful to black woman. A white reader complained that her parents are unavailable because they're "swanning around, spending the inheritance." I wouldn't mind seeing some black women in that position. It would be a kind of progress.
This discussion reminds me a bit of the romance of the small town: There's a reason people move away to the big bad city if they have the opportunity and temperament. The people that sing "I was born in a small town" don't typically live there anymore.
It is good, however, to show people that there are different ways to live. And in these difficult times, a lot of people may not have much choice.
I had to read William's books in my Women's studies classes.
Now I see she feels the need to cut down other women to make her argument. This is shameful.
You can make your argument without doing a hit piece on a woman who is also a mother and a wife with a job.
I think the Palin comparison was relevent.
Two cultural models: 1 mom has support from extended family and 1 doesn't.
Ask yourself: which children were less detrimentally affected by the rigours of the presidential campaign trail?
its not a perfect comparison (one mom was the VP candidate and one was the First Wife candidate) but the point is that having family close at hand is usually a good thing for the kids.
Its true. The norm for most American "White" people in my experience (as an American white person) is less daily interaction/support with Grandparents and extended family than their Latino and Black family counterparts.
How many elderly latinos do you see in "Retirement Communities"???
I think the Obama's are presenting a terrific example and I hope we can benefit from their example. As a new parent I've already learned how wonderful, helpful AND mutually beneficial it is to have day to day support from grandparents.. especially compared to going outside the family for support ala day care. its a total no-brainer! like comparing Grandmas homemade strogranoff vs Denny's Eggs Over-My-Hammy.
This is also a nice gesture of respect for older people, something sorely lacking in our country.
I voted for Obama, but now I might have buyers remorse. It seems as though every time we talk about Obama it's about race. Is this what I have to look forward to for the next eight years. Since were on the subject of race, African-Americans also have a family culture of single mother of four.
As a rural White, I think I should point out to Dr. Williams that 22 relatives attended my college graduation, and far more attended my high school graduation. Family structures should not be generalized into merely an issue of ethnicity - they are also a reflection of class, geography, religion and other social traits.
I have read this writer before----why does she continue to insist that Sarah Palin doesn't rely on a family network? Palin has said over and over again that both her parents and some siblings who live nearby all help out to make things work for her. What is your problem Patricia Williams that you have to LIE to make your point? It doesn't become you especially when you are making some good points. However, YOU wouldn't want to be stereotyped in this way-----why must you do that to others? And in the case of Palin-----your premise is simply the result of sloppy and inferior research on your part. By the way, I'm not a Republican either. I just think that if you are going to dismiss, diminish, and demean a fellow woman----GET YOUR FACTS STRAIGHT SISTER!!!!
Thank you.
As a first time user, your comment has been submitted for review. It can take anywhere from a few hours to a day or two for your comment to be reviewed, depending on the time of week and the volume of comments we receive.
Please log in to leave comments.