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My War Against Food Nazi Moms
Feeding your child a sandwich made with white bread or—the horror, the horror—a bag of Doritos could cost you custody of your children?
I was at a parents' meeting at my boys’ school one recent morning, talking to one of the new moms, an attractive, petite, divorced woman in her 40s. She was discussing her relationship with her ex-husband and how challenging it has been. There was a distinct sound of bitterness in her voice, not surprising when she mentioned that he left her for a 24-year-old.
She told me that he had crossed a line with her kids on a recent visitation, and she was going to have her lawyer work on getting his joint custody rights revoked. She felt her case was ironclad, he had "obviously acted wrongly" and "anyone would agree with her."
And then she told me her ex's transgressions. He had packed a non-organic lunch for her sons. Seriously.
"What did he do?" I had to ask, bracing myself for some juicy gossip. Surely this would involve sex and drugs, his babe girlfriend naked, or strippers at the very least.
And then she told me her ex's transgressions. He had packed a non-organic lunch for her sons. Seriously. She went on to describe the brown bags loaded with Cheetos, Go-gurt, and a sandwich that was made with white bread.
Because I stood there speechless, looking completely shocked with my mouth hanging open, she continued. She went on and on about the dangers of food additives and how they had exacerbated one of her boys' ADHD. She talked about how each morning when her boys are in her care she takes the time to poach Amish-raised, free-range chicken and then stuffs it into a whole-grain pita with hydroponic tomatoes and micro-greens and that her ex was obviously not fit to spend time with the kids because he was willing to put their health in such grave danger.
Obviously she mistook the look of shock on my face and considered me a kindred spirit when it came to militant healthy eating. I’m all for the benefits of a nutritious diet for kids, and I’m certainly no fan of Go-gurt—which is essentially a single serving bag of yogurt that becomes a bomb when placed on a table and pounded, producing a dairy projectile capable of nailing a victim at 30 feet. But I couldn’t help thinking that perhaps it was her husband who should pursue a custody change. Her reaction was manically disproportionate. It’s not like junk food is akin to child abuse.
I just want to let the food Nazi moms in on what happens when your kids come to a house where junk food inhabits the pantry. They have no decision-making skills or sense of moderation when faced with the forbidden fruit roll-up. Like deprived animals, they are determined to consume the lifetime allotment of sugar they have been denied; all before pickup. I have seen one such child eat Swiss Miss Cocoa with a spoon directly out of the family-size container, only to move on to conquer a box of frosted strawberry Pop-Tarts. When faced with not one but three brands of chips, they become apoplectic and run from the kitchen clutching bags of Cool Ranch Doritos and French onion-flavored Sun Chips, later to be found in a corner curled up in the fetal position surrounded by wrappers, unable to state their name.
I get similar reactions from the kids who are denied cartoons, video games, or porn. (Okay, my kids don’t exactly have porn, but South Park comes close, and I do have a book of Helmut Newton nudes.) They stand wide-eyed in front of the screen, unable to move as my boys beg them to come and play. And it’s not just young children who have had all common sense denied out of them. I grew up in New Orleans when the drinking age was 18, and not strictly enforced. My freshman year at Tulane, it was almost a sport watching the students who came from the Northeast drink themselves into a vomiting stupor, like a bulimic at an all-you-can-eat buffet.
Sheltering children from every evil in the world does them a disservice; decision-making is a skill, learned with practice from the time they are small. At some point my boys will go out into the world and have to decide for themselves what is right and wrong. One would hope that by then they have ascertained that Krispy Kreme doughnuts are not really for breakfast—and there are serious repercussions if you leave the mother of your children for a 24-year-old.
Laura Bennett was trained as an architect but has since established her career as a fashion designer by becoming a finalist on Season 3 of the Bravo hit television series Project Runway. Bennett lives amid complete chaos in New York City with her husband and six children, Cleo, 20, Peik, 13, Truman, 10, Pierson, 6, Larson, 5, and Finn, 2.
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Laura Bennett was trained as an architect but has since established her career as a fashion designer by becoming a finalist on Season 3 of Bravo's Project Runway. Bennett lives amid complete chaos in New York City with her husband and six children, Cleo, 20, Peik, 13, Truman, 10, Pierson, 6, Larson, 5, and Finn, 2.
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Laura Bennett was trained as an architect but has since established her career as a fashion designer by becoming a finalist on Season 3 of Bravo's Project Runway. Bennett lives amid complete chaos in New York City with her husband and six children, Cleo, 20, Peik, 13, Truman, 10, Pierson, 6, Larson, 5, and Finn, 2.
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Laura Bennett was trained as an architect but has since established her career as a fashion designer by becoming a finalist on Season 3 of Bravo's Project Runway. Bennett lives amid complete chaos in New York City with her husband and six children, Cleo, 20, Peik, 13, Truman, 10, Pierson, 6, Larson, 5, and Finn, 2.
Very funny article. No wonder her husband left her, I'd hate to have been married to her myself.
Good on you for being a relaxed mom with common sense. We southern moms tend to raise our boys with a smile on our face. Your boys are lucky to have you for a mom.
Truman was hanging out at our house. My wife had just baked a batch of her special, whole grain, low glycemic, organic, walnut cookies. Truman politely asked if he could have one. He took one bite and with a perplexed look, exclaimed, "are you sure these are people cookies and not for dogs"?She assured Truman that they were made for people to eat. Instead, he wisly put it in his pocket.
I love this...I fee exactly the same!
I just wonder how Josh reacts to what Peike offers him when at your house! I'm sure he's seen it all... so please let me know if I am depriving him of anything! Happy New Year to you and your family!
I love Laura's down-to-earth realistic approach to raising kids. I guess when you have 6 of them, you don't have the time or stamina to be too picky about stuff that isn't life threatening. The best coping mechanism when raising children is a well developed sense of humor which she has in spades.
Kids to have to face the real world eventually and sheltering them from all things bad is just stupid. Sheltered girls who are not taught that men to bad things to females end up their victims. Children who are raised to believe they are "special" and entitled to whatever they want have to discover one day that the world doesn't care that Mommy and Daddy thought they were "special" and could give a rat's ass about their sense of entitlement.
We who grew up in the Fifties did so with mothers and fathers who smoked like chimneys, mothers who drank during pregnancy, we wore no car seat belts, we did not wear helmets while riding our bicycles, and we ate all sorts of stuff. We are still alive and living to ripe old ages despite all that. Most parents should just lighten up and enjoy their children instead of living in a constant state of paranoia. Otherwise the kids will still do okay but those parents will require institutionalization from the stress.
Awesome and also very funny...and very true.
I was raised with junk-food absent from my home and to this day, the only way I seem able to stop myself from binging it is by not purchasing the stuff in the first place, leading to late-night runs to the corner deli whenever an occasion for that kind of thing pops up unanticipated...which is a sad truth for a 23-years-old.
I'm very envious of those of my friends who are seemingly able to build up large stocks of delicious candies and then simply leave them in the closset and go eat boiled vegetables instead...don't rob your children of that kind of discipline if you can help it!
What was George Carlin's priceless contribution to this debate?
"TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED the 1930's, 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's! First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant. They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes. Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.
"As infants & children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, booster seats, seat belts or air bags. Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.
"We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle. We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle andNO ONE actually died from this. We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank Kool-aid made with sugar, but we weren't overweight because, WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.No one was able to reach us all day.And we were O.K.
"We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem. We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD's, no surround-sound or CD's, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or chat rooms.......
"WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!
"We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents. We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever. We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes. We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!
"Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!! The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law! These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever! The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!"
I only wish Food Nazi Moms were a problem here. Maybe it's an economic class thing, I don't know. But those without children would be shocked at the amount of junk that is pushed on kids these days . Way more than we were kids.
As a mom who has Aspergers, and am raising two kids with Aspergers I'm often attacked for not using the Jenny McCarthy food plan. Sorry tried that it didn't work, but no one wants to hear that.
Thank you for telling it like it is. People really do need to lighten up about the food.
Laura Honey, I love ya.
I hate these moms. They are usually the ones who show up at the school all fresh faced and ready to run as soon as they walk Junior to the class and hand him or her to the teacher.
I have also been around the moms who give their kids sugar "any time he wants it, so he wont feel deprived and go crazy on sugar later." Another extreme which produces wild children unable to keep a train of thought or control of themselves (again probably the inability to keep a train of thought). I hate those moms too!
I was raised on moderation. In food, drink and politics. It seems to work for my family and my husband (once he was converted to the Moderation Class).
I can't wait to read you next article, Laura!
Well said. Regarding your food nazi mom: I can't imagine any judge agreeing with her.
The drama of divorce and the participants is akin to a war unlike any other...Nazi moms and dads are all guilty of torturing their children and themselves...POWER is what it comes down to...thanks Laura for making sense of the truth...in the end kids grow up to do what responsible adults should do...become Nazi moms and dads from the lessons their good parents taught them...are you listening Nazi Mom and Dad? Kids do learn what they see...not what they hear! Welcome back Laura...I was wondering where you had vanished to over the last few weeks...no doubt a story coming our way to let us know of your adventures! Now, off to eat my bag of Doritos with marshmellow topping!
The world needs more people like this author. Common sense is easy to recognize. When then... is it so uncommon? If that divorced woman had gone before a judge, I hope he would have her committed.
Laura this is why I love you. Serious food allergies aside people have got to relax and just feed their kids a balanced diet and let them play.
Y'all missed a step; this insane woman's lawyer would be pounding his head against his desk when she calls him in hysteria over this! I'll bet she calls him a lot.
I have to wish her husband some happiness with his 24 year old and apparently, he got out in the nick of time. If she's a food nazi- there's other paranoia's and rigid line toeing as well.
Kids actually need the calories in junk food. When, say Daddy or his new wife let's them out of the house into the dangerous world of playing. I wonder how much mis diagnosed ADD is just kids who need to run around outside being kids but aren't aren't allowed to? Starving them would calm them down.
Ahhh. Sanity. Thank you.
In our house, it's not Southpark but Family Guy that feeds my kid's wicked humor. What I love, is how cynical they've become as a result. I also love that they will also willingly join me for Rachel Maddow, or sushi, and not just California Rolls.
As for sweets, I have a steadfast rule, that I've put forth here before. Three times a year, Christmas, Easter and Halloween, my kids are allowed to eat candy till they're sick. Pop tarts are a stocking stuffer, but high sugar loser cereal, the kind that comes in bags with names like, Marshmallow Stars, are an acceptable staple. Ice cream is allowed, but the Ben & Jerry's is strictly for mom and dad, as are the Mallomars.
Excuse me, but it's not only kids who don't have proper decision making skills when it comes to picking out "healthy" food; the human body has a strong tendency to crave Carbohydrates and Fat, in their simplest forms. This is due to the fact that the body wants quick energy (sucrose being the most used in all kinds of candy, and the least healthy) and because the body also likes to stock up on fat in case there will be a shortage in food anytime in the near future. This is the essence of what a human body will always crave, regardless of age, and you can bet the companies that produce all the kinds of candy your kids and yourself find delicious, knows this.
I do agree that this deal with the joint custody is a tad bit over the top, not at least if this was a one-time event, or something that happened in between. But if this was the common way for the father to pack his child off for school, I would certainly have a talk with him. And if he wouldn't respect this and continued packing my kid with really unhealthy lunch material, yes, I'd do what she did. The food we eat is the most important factor in determining how our bodies grow, and a healthy lunch is a must for all growing kids and adults alike.
There is a movement generally called "Free Range Kids." They believe in "life jackets and bike helmets and air bags" for kids, but in a common sense way. Not the sort of hyper-over protective nanny society that believes in legal action against a parent who lets their kids walk to school. Or believe Go-gurt is the basis for a lawsuit. That's just retarded.
Well said. In my experience as a rural family doctor, it is the "food nazi" parents more than the kids that have the issues that need to be worked on. Childhood obesity prevention is a huge issue, but some moderation is needed here. I've blogged on a technique that I like to use with parents at well child visits called 5-2-1-0 at: http://thecountrydocreport.wordpress.com/2008/12/17/british-struggle-with-c hildhood-obesity-too/
Um, no, I disagree. My mom and dad weren't exactly "food nazis", but they didn't put junk food into my lunches, which I certainly found kind of disappointing -- I often traded whatever I could, or begged a Cheetoh or two off a classmate. But get this: I did not assume junk food or sugar-laden snacks and drinks were my due. I learned to treat them as treats. And I'm sure my parents knew that I used my allowance at the candy store to buy sourballs and jawbreakers. (But on a limited allowance, you can't go nuts, so it worked out okay.)
Thus, I did not develop a sweet tooth. I did not have a weight problem -- to the contrary, I was very skinny, but it was totally natural. I did not like breads. When I developed my own tastes in food, all I wanted were soups and salads and plenty of veggies. In short, I was VERY HEALTHY. Yes, every now and then I ate McDonald's french fries or some Drake's Apple Pies, but again, they were simply treats, and not habits.
So, while I don't think its reasonable to think you can control everything that goes into your child's mouth when you're not there, I DO think it's reasonable to be pretty damn strict about what YOU give them.
It worked out for me. I was not a food-obsessed obese or sugar dependent kid. For that, I am grateful to my parents for their wisdom.
Just wait! My food nazi friend's kid is in her last year of undergraduate college. Ms. Good Mother accesses the poor kid's school internet and bank accounts, contacts professors as her child, reviews all papers and friends, and plans the kid's daily and class schedule. Then she wonders why the kid, who is a putative adult, is so stressed out!! I am afraid that this kid will become my accountant, physician, pharmacist, lawyer, or other professional on whose wise counsel I will depend without ever having made and lived with the consequences of independent judgements.
Wait till next week and the research shows organic foods are unhealthy. Who will have the last laugh then? Everything in moderation!
Amen. I know many parents of my kid's friends who err toward the Food Nazi-side...some, though, are dealing with food allergies or diabetes. I am so thankful that we don't have those issues to deal with. But one friend described an ugly scene at a classroom parent meeting when they were trying to come up with a "snack" policy. It was a sugar-free vs. gluten-free vs. peanut-free vs. meat-free vs. "why don't you people get a life" free-for-all. Yikes. My kids are now high-school age and have off-campus privileges, so what they eat in addition to their lunch is a mystery to me. But growing up, we wouldn't hesitate to take them to an amazing restaurant or a slider joint. We keep fresh vegetables along side the Pillsbury Cinnamon rolls in the fridge. Yes, I agree, Laura. Keeping the choices open makes for better choices in the end. I will admit, I do draw the line at Lunchables. But then, I wouldn't sue anyone over it, either!
The death of common sense includes the idea of anti-bacterial soap. For thousands of years kids (and adults) have played in dirt building up their immune systems, and along comes the marketing genius of soap companies convincing the Sheeple, and Howie Mandel, their health is at great risk when coming in contact with dirt or germs !
Clearly this Mom is bananas and has larger problems than feeding her kids organic foods 24/7 and YES some parents do take it too far.
But I'm with 'harlemita' on this. As parents we have the responsibility to teach healthy eating habits to our children and provide a healthy well balanced diet for our family - including organic and low processed foods whenever possible.Sure, I allow my kids to indulge in the occasional junk food or sweet binge but I believe in moderation and education.
Laura, are you living in a bubble in NYC? Childhood diabetes has sky rocketed. Americans are the fattest people in the world. Children are bombarded with branded junk food marketing from every direction and everyday packaged foods are so highly processed with chemicals, preservatives and high fructose syrup it's maddening. Lunchables?! As an excuse for a lunch? Wake up!? It's not the childhood food we had - it's devolved! Blech.
I could not agree more greenish! I am a 1st grade teacher and what many people do not consider is the effect the food has on their child throughout the school day...much less the compounded effect on 20 children! The kids eat junk straight out of the cafeteria! Cereal bars loaded with sugar, or a bowl of the worst cereal like cocoa puffs! Doughnuts! What kind of substance is that to get a child thru the day?! the best part is when they are so hyped up they can't concentrate and then they crash!
At Christmas time we had a 'healthy holiday celebration'. Everyone said it would not work but the kids LOVED it! They ate fruits (dried and fresh), vegetables, nuts, hummus, low-fat cheese, whole grain crackers and the most popular was V-8!!! And not the sweetened kind! They all wanted thirds!! (Of course I did not allow them to, I told them "everything in moderation")
I do eat the crap too often BUT I feel I must set an example so I will NEVER in front of the kids! They are too young to make decisions for themselves that have such long term consequences. I care about all of them and want what is the best for them so I do not allow birthday celebrations with food and only allow a small amount of candy on some holidays and I talk to them about the candy that is a better choice like dark chocolate. I know they will not eat perfectly as children but if we can give them the tools to see thru the marketing and confusing labels then I can feel good about that! And everytime someone has a 'healthy' snack in my class they are sooo proud! And when someone brings CANDY as a snack all of the other kids let them know that is not 'brain food'! Now that is positive peer pressure!
Thank you.
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