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Inaugural Hell Freezes Over
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Ron Edmonds / AP Photo
On January 20, you’ll have to sleep at your desk, scrounge around for food, and walk miles in the icy cold. And don’t even think about going to the bathroom.
Only in Washington, D.C., could an epic historic moment take on the overtones of a natural disaster. But that’s exactly what’s happening with the Obama inauguration. Inaugural hell is officially about to freeze over.
The shut down of the city—no bridges from Northern Virginia, most of the downtown streets entirely cut off—is forcing key government employees to bed down at their desks, literally. Over at the State Department, essential personnel, which given the present flammable state of the world includes quite a number of people, are going to be sleeping on air mattresses, unveiled for the occasion. Then, post-inauguration, they must negotiate the nearly five miles from their office dorms to Union Station for the presidential ball that hosts the diplomatic corps.
Washington, D.C., will have 10,000 people minimum per bathroom, optimistically assuming that not everyone will have to “go.”
And the State Department gang has it easy. TV news crews being dispatched out “in the field” to cover the Mall and other key gathering points are being told to pack for survival conditions, which includes likely toting along a five-gallon jug to use for bodily functions. Sadly, bathrooms may become the big issue as the big day unfolds. The city’s subway system is planning on locking all of its bathrooms for security reasons (they will post a total of 150 or so port-a-potties outside of the stations, concentrating them in the suburbs, outside of the city itself; Metro may also close some of its escalators to help with crowd control, leaving newly minted riders to walk up steep metal steps 100 to 200 feet high). The rest of the city plans to deploy up to 5,000 jiffy johns, which works out to something on the order of 10,000 people minimum per bathroom, optimistically assuming that not everyone will have to “go.”
No word yet on whether ticket holders for the actual swearing in will get priority in the bathroom lines, but that is also going to require a Herculean exercise in crowd control. Approximately 240,000 tickets, seated and standing room only, are being given away for the actual Obama swearing in at the Capitol. That’s the equivalent of 12 fully packed concerts at Madison Square Garden being seated and then let loose simultaneously. It’s also about the same number of people who came to hear Martin Luther King’s iconic “I Have A Dream” speech, which was delivered in the balmy, picnic-friendly days of late August, without metal detectors and bag searches. Just clearing security to get to your seat or standing spot is going to be the equivalent of a negotiating an outdoor security line at Chicago’s O’Hare. And the potentially million plus more coming to watch on the 10 jumbotrons being set up along the Mall are going to be even farther away.
In fact, entire busloads of inauguration goers from as far away as New England and the Carolinas are, under current plans, going to be dropped en masse at Metro stations and told to buy fare cards and head toward the Mall. New Jersey reporters are actually speculating that there may not be a single available chartered bus left in the entire state; they will all be crawling south on 95 to Washington. That’s scared off lots of people who regularly come into the city, like food wholesalers, who have told groceries and supermarkets that they will not be delivering any new food or other deliveries in the days around the inauguration—this in a city that strips store shelves bare of milk, toilet paper, and bread when forecasters direly intone a prediction of three inches of snow.
And that leaves us with the hell freezing part: an arctic air mass is descending on the District for the weekend. Friday’s projected high temperature is 20 degrees, Saturday’s a comparatively balmy 29 and clouds.
Lyric Wallwork Winik is an award-winning writer and author and the Washington Correspondent for Parade Magazine. Her work has also appeared in The New York Times, Washingtonian Magazine, and Forbes FYI, among other publications. Her next book will be about Magellan’s Voyage for Crown, and she is married to the best-selling historian, Jay Winik.
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Lyric Wallwork Winik is an award-winning writer and author and the Washington correspondent for Parade magazine. Her next book will be about Magellan’s voyage for Crown, and she is married to the bestselling historian, Jay Winik.
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Lyric Wallwork Winik is an award-winning writer and author and the Washington correspondent for Parade magazine. Her next book will be about Magellan’s voyage for Crown, and she is married to the bestselling historian, Jay Winik.
My Pals Sasha and Malia
Lyric Wallwork Winik is an award-winning writer and author and the Washington correspondent for Parade magazine. Her next book will be about Magellan’s voyage for Crown, and she is married to the bestselling historian, Jay Winik.
Luckily - the neo cons threw me out of that city years ago and I never looked back.,.. I just sent my mom, brother,sister-in-law and the kids plane tickets to come vist me in sunny FTL we're it's 80 degrees and no one cares about DC! Anyone who has a brain and an ounce of integrity needs tog et out of DC before "Change we can believe in" hijacks whatever is left of this feee democracy and sells it off to private cos. and gives whatever is elft to the UN. US Government and its elected officials are the biggest joke on the planet - and that's why they have to close down a city for an inaugural in a democracy - b/c only the VIPs are allowed - now that's change we can believe in. Hate to be the one to say it - but Obama is a fraud PERIOD> Then again, when he put the son-of-terrosist Rahm Emanuele as his gatekleeper you had to know the US is still AIPAC and Zionist controlled.
If you mean you live in Florida, I understand your comments as most parts of Florida are real red neck areas and it sounds as if you came to the right state to live in!!!
We other's who believe in changing this country for the better are looking forward to watching PE Obama become President and getting this country back on track.
You have the right to be negative, but do you really want to live like that as we have had such glorious, prosperous 8 years under Bush have we not!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Good luck with your outlook for the future, you have made it depressing already without even giving PE Obama a chance!!
I live and work in DC, and I think that come inauguration day, everything is going to be just fine. Yes, there will be lines to use the bathroom. Yes, you will have to wait for a train if you are taking the Metro to get into town. But our city is prepared for this and I think it will be a terrific celebration. It's unfortunate that all of the doom and gloom stories in the press will dissuade many people from coming and seeing for themselves.
Welcome, visitors to DC! We know how to do political pagentry so come and enjoy the show!
Realist, I used to think I was pretty cynical, so I want to thank you for showing me what real cynicism looks like. You are one unhappy dude or dudette.
Jessica, thank you for being the opposite of the above. I think you're right.
TheRealist -- no offense, but by any chance were you "thrown out" for using such atrocious spelling and grammar in official correspondence? If it was any reputable workplace, I'd imagine it would have...
The claim that the US government is the biggest joke 'on the planet' is a little strong.
Here's one small example. When I lived in Argentina in 2000, one woman told me she thought April 15 was an amazing concept. Why? "Tax Day is always on the same day and everyone knows when it is. We never know when Tax Day is here. Argentine government makes it up as they go along. Tax Day is always a big surprise."
US government is better than it seems. Though it is especially hard to see that right about now.
As a native of Northern Virginia(Arlington) and thankfully living just outside of Austin,Texas(Round Rock where the winter is very mild, BTW), I have a prediction that the story that will NOT be covered by the Elite Mainstream Media is all the TRASH left on the Mall. How many people it will take to pick it up and the cost. So much for the environment. As far as the bathrooms, what difference will it make? The city already smells, as per Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid-D-NV.
In my opinion.
I've got my popcorn, big screen T.V. and a 12 pack. SUCKERS
As a DC resident, I am not looking forward to the flood of people coming, although I don't quite expect it to be like Hell freezing over. DC may be prepared for big celebratory events, but the Obamamania driving this inauguration is unprecedented.
I appreciate being a wittiness to history, but for this one I plan on watching it from my television and letting the DC visitors brave the cold, traffic, and crowds.
The amount of simple spelling errors on this website (and all over the media for that matter) confounds me.
"an artic air mass"
Arctic. A-r-c-t-i-c. Award winning writer? Where's the spellcheck?
Good luck to everyone attending inauguration in person! I will enjoy the historical magic from my couch.
...Bet I could sell a lot of G.W.Bush toilet paper that day!
I ride the 15L Metrobus to Rosslyn every morning and then strike out on foot across Key Bridge to spend the next 2 hours walking through the city like I'm really late for something. And I use a pedometer to quantify what I've done.
There's no way Union Station is 5 miles from State Department HQ on C Street. That distance is two-and-a-half, three miles, tops.
They're calling for highs in the mid to upper 30s next Tuesday with a chance of a dusting.
Maybe the fine men and women of the corridor corps should consider walking to their ball.
And as an aside: Realist (a name fraught with irony given the drooling tone of his/her post)should consider taking advantage of Florida's helmet-free motorcycle law - and go really, really fast.
OK Lyric, we get it. You are a hermit and don't like large crowds. Stay home. Between this and your other gloom and doom story, I'm starting to think you're a hack trying to taint the positive mood.
Me personally, I'll be joining the festivities, arm and arm with my fellow Americans, living history. I love crowds so the more the merrier.
Lyric, what fun you must be at Thanksgiving dinner. Grousing about the food, the weather, your neighbors. I bet you have allergies you like to talk about. Three times now I have waded through paragraphs of whining and woe: about kids with ulterior motives sucking up to Sasha and Malia, about innaugural parties that will suck, and now about innaugural day conditions that will suck. Dear lord. Switch therapists, or meds, or lives. Do something. Life is not that bad. Well, three times is enough that I now remember your name and not to click. Happy trails. Or whatever.
If my schedule had been a bit different I would have loved to go up. Not necessarily for a ball, but just to be there. I could even pack sandwiches. Even in a bar a couple of TVs and a bunch of other people who were just happy to be there.
AgathaX put it very well. Ms. Winik, really, get some perspective on things. I am also done with your posts.
I'm guessing that math wasn't your favorite subject... 5000 porta-potties times 10,000 people each works out to 50 million people (or maybe 100 million if you "optimistically assume that not everybody has to go"). We're expecting big crowds, but not that big.
You guys need to get a grip.Yes it will be crowded. This is a lifetime chance to be involved in history. First time is only first time once. Who would've thunk it just 5 years ago. How far have we come. I hope not far enough. I see a whole new future for the US of A.Only in America can this be happeningI continue to be proud that I am an American.
Thank you.
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