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12 Things to Say to Get Out of Trump Jury Duty

Sometimes, you’ve got to get creative. (Seriously, though, don’t shirk your civic responsibility.)

A photo illustration of a jury pool and Jeanine Pirro, Qanon Shaman, and Stephen Colbert.

Photo Illustration by Thomas Levinson/The Daily Beast/Getty

By Nell Scovell

Numerous prospective jurors have already been dismissed from Donald Trump’s first criminal trial—some of them by just saying they did not think they could be impartial. With six seats still to be filled, along with alternates, here are a dozen creative things to say that might get you out of doing your civic duty.

  1. “My wife and I have been happily married 43 years.”
  2. “Sorry my shirt’s pink. By mistake, I washed it with my hat.”
  3. “I was born in El Salvador—you know one of those shithole countries.”
  4. “This tattoo? Oh, it’s my crush, Andrew Weissman.”
  5. “You know the QAnon Shaman? That’s my cousin Jake!”
  6. “My job? I fix escalators. That guy really put us on the map.”
  7. “Will we get Hajj Friday off in June?”
  8. “What media do I consume? Well, I watch The Five,” (defense lawyer nods) “Jessica Tarlov is my favorite.”
  9. What media do I consume? Well, I watch The Five’,” (prosecution lawyer nods) “Jeanine Pirro is my favorite.”
  10. (Says nothing—opens coat to reveal a “Feel the Bern” t-shirt)
  11. “Ohmigod, is that the president over there? He’s so handsome.” (blows kisses)
  12. “Hi. My name is Stephen Colbert.”

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Nell Scovell
Nell Scovell

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