One week after making her case that President Donald Trump has syphilis, Chelsea Handler has turned her attention to the escalating White House war between Steve Bannon and Jared Kushner.
“There’s a hashtag tremendous problem brewing at the White House that has me partly engaged and fully aroused,” Handler said on her Netflix show this Friday, predicting that Bannon’s days as chief adviser to the president “appear to be numbered.”
“Now that Bannon’s bloated, gin-soaked face is on the chopping block, I finally understand why Trump likes having him around,” the host continued. “He’s Trump’s Duff: Designated Ugly Fat Friend. Next to Bannon, Trump seems slightly less unfuckable.”
“However, I still wouldn’t fuck him with Jeff Ross’s dick,” she added, in a throwback reference to that comedian’s joke at both Sandra Bernhard and Bea Arthur’s expense.
With Trump having to decide between “the man who got him elected” and “the man his daughter gets erected,” Handler suggested that the president is actually enjoying all the infighting. “The battle is shaping up to be a sequel to World War II,” she said. “There are Nazis and Jews, and Russians!”
“The Jewish side of me is rooting for Kushner, but the German side of me is rooting for… David Hasselhoff,” Handler joked. “If Bannon wins this dogfight, I think we all know who’s going to be running the Holocaust Centers,” she said, referring to the White House press secretary’s term for concentration camps. “My little Spicey baked potato!”
But the more likely scenario is that Bannon will ultimately be pushed out of the administration, Handler said, because Trump can’t stand all those #PresidentBannon tweets. “And the fact that if you type ‘Bannon is’ into the Google,” she said, “the first result is ‘Bannon is president’ and the second result is ‘Bannon is the real president.’”