On Tuesday night, President Donald Trump gave his first State of the Union address in front of a crowd of enthusiastic Republicans, desultory Democrats, and an internally screaming Melania.
The teleprompter-guided speech, which droned on and on—some of us don’t have the luxury of “executive time,” Mr. President—featured a number of Trump standards, including the supposed dangers of undocumented immigrants (even though they are statistically less likely to commit crimes than natural-born citizens), declining unemployment numbers (thanks, Obama), the opioid epidemic, and the North Korean threat. There was presumably no mention of one of the year’s biggest movements, #MeToo, because the president himself stands accused of sexual harassment or assault by up to 19 women, and no mention of Russian meddling in the 2016 election because, well…
The Daily Show was the first—and one of several—late-night programs to air live following the SOTU, and host Trevor Noah noted the “special appearance by Dr. Ben Carson, who was there watching from the Sunken Place,” as well as the dozen or so Democrats who boycotted the speech, and the others who wore black in solidarity with the Time’s Up initiative.
“This wasn’t a night for facts. If you came here for facts, you came for the wrong thing. Tonight was all about celebrating President Trump,” offered Noah.
Indeed, nobody seemed to clap more for President Trump than… President Trump. Democrats Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi, on the other hand, didn’t seem too thrilled by the proceedings.
“Chuck and Nancy’s faces, did you see that?” said Noah. “They look like Trump also cheated on them with Stormy Daniels.”
Trump dedicated the bulk of his speech—and all of his fervor—to immigration, explaining his “four pillars” plan to curb illegal immigration and painting a dire picture of the current state of U.S. immigration.
“Tonight we heard so many stories about MS-13 and alien terrorists and other anti-immigrant shit, I wouldn’t be surprised if his teleprompter was just tuned in to Fox & Friends the whole time,” said Noah, the curse word accidentally slipping out. “He can make a speech stoking fear about an entire group of people and in that very same speech wrap it up with a thought like this.”
The late-night host then threw to Trump, who said, “And so to every citizen watching at home tonight, no matter where you’ve been or where you come from, this is your time. If you work hard, if you believe in yourself, if you believe in America, then you can dream anything, you can be anything…”
With that, Noah added, “As long as you’re from Norway. All you other losers, stay in your shitholes.”