All In

Five Best Jokes About the Petraeus Scandal (VIDEO)

It's a joke-off! Watch Jimmy Fallon, Jon Stewart, Seth Meyers and more weigh in on the general.

Time for some general humor. Get it? Sorry, these jokes are funnier:

Fallon: What Does Petraeus Think of Skyfall?

The general couldn’t have picked a worse weekend to come clean about his affair. (Well, there were probably worse options, like in the middle of a “surge”—but it was pretty bad.) The new James Bond film, Skyfall, happened to hit theaters right as the former CIA chief revealed his scandalous news, which got Jimmy Fallon wondering: with all of Bond’s sexy spy intrigue, how would Petraeus review the flick?

Stewart: Meet the Conspiracy Theorists

“While we don’t have facts, we do have feelings,” Jon Stewart said Monday night, aptly summing up the chattering class’s response to the affair. He then proceeded to debunk (read: mock) the array of conspiracy theories emanating from Petraeus’s, sudden resignation. Here’s one such theory: “Either the president of the United States blackmailed the head of the CIA, forcing him to agree with the administration’s lie,” Stewart said, “or that theory is stupid.” Stewart: a thousand; Gretchen Carlson: still zero.

SNL: Just the Tip

Seth Meyers got a jump start on the Petraeus joke-making on Saturday Night Live’s “Weekend Update, riffing off of Broadwell’s unfortunate (albeit hilarious) decision to title her biography of General Petraeus All In. “Of course, when they first started working on the book,” Meyers mused, “it was called Just the Tip.” Boom.

Colbert: Another Biographer Gets Busy?

Breaking news: Stephen Colbert has breaking news. “This explosive revelation puts every biographer and subject under suspicion,” the satirical news host said of the Petraeus affair Monday night. “Meaning, we can now say with some certainty that Doris Kearns Goodwin banged Abraham Lincoln.” Get on it, FBI!

Kimmel: Jerry Springer, CIA Edition!

Ladies and gentlemen, we have found a winner! Bringing the Broadwell-Kelly cat fight down to its lowest form, Jimmy Kimmel wins the late night “joke-off” with this Jerry Springer spoof. If only he had thrown in a “you can’t fight in here; this is the war room!” joke