Holy Hell

Five OTHER Outrageous Pat Robertson Theories

Here are five gems from the televangelist’s arsenal of offensiveness.

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Televangelist Pat Robertson, 83, has said so many outlandish and offensive things—most of them directed at gay people—that it’s hard to compile them all into one list. But in light of his latest claim that murderous gay people are trolling around cities like San Francisco spreading AIDS through some sort of knife-like ring that cuts a person’s finger by their shaking hand (really), we’ve decided to pull together at least some of his most egregious statements.

Facebook Needs a ‘Vomit’ Button Because It’s Too Gay

In July, Robertson took to his TV show, The Christian Broadcasting Network’s 700 Club, to lament the absence of a “vomit button” on Facebook. You know, for photos that just make him want to barf, like gay couples kissing. “You’ve got a couple of same-sex guys kissing, do you like that?” Robertson asked a viewer. “Well, that makes me want to throw up. To me, I would punch ‘vomit,’ not ‘like.’ They don’t give you that option on Facebook.” Too bad, Pat. Guess you’ll just have to write nasty comments instead.

God Only Controls Certain Natural Disasters

Pat Robertson is no fool. He may believe in the power of the almighty God, but he knows the big man upstairs can’t “reverse the laws of nature,” and stop something like a tsunami, even if it would save hundreds of thousands of lives. But what about his warning to Disney World back in 1998 that waving rainbow flags from city lampposts to commemorate the annual Gay Day celebration “will bring about the destruction of your nation. It’ll bring about terrorist bombs. It’ll bring about earthquakes, tornadoes and possibly a meteor”? Or his earlier claim that the headquarters of his Christian Broadcasting Network in Hampton Roads, Virginia, was spared by 1985’s Hurricane Gloria and Hurricane Felix in 1995 because of he’d prayed good and hard? Well those things made sense. But stopping a tsunami before it kills hundreds of thousands of people in Asia? Come on. God can’t do that.

If You’re Husband Is Cheating on You, It’s Probably Your Fault

Homosexuals aren’t the only people Pat Robertson can’t stand. He also has no patience for women who complain about their cheating husbands, because it really is their own fault if they can’t hold the man’s attention. Plus, if they still have a roof over their heads and food in their mouths then what’s the big problem? In 2010 he told a woman, who expressed concern on his CBN show that her husband might start cheating that the first thing she needed to do was “make yourself as attractive as possible and don’t hassle him about it.” He went on to warn the woman against driving her husband away or “hassling him and hounding on him. Make yourself as beautiful as you can, and say let’s go out here, let’s go there, let’s go to the other thing.” And, really, if that doesn’t work, then she just deserves to be cheated on.

In May, Robertson took it upon himself to play the role of marriage counselor yet again. This time, he was responding to a letter from a woman wondering if she could ever let go of the anger she harbors towards her cheating husband and learn to trust again. Robertson told her, more or less, to get over it. “Stop talking about the cheating. He cheated on you. Well, he’s a man. OK.” he said on The 700 Club. “Does he provide a home for you to live in? Does he provide food for you to eat? Is he handsome?. As if that weren’t enough, here’s Robertson’s kicker: “Males have a tendency to wander a little bit, and what you want to do is make the home so wonderful that he doesn’t want to wander.”

(CBN later issued a statement defending Robertson, saying the host was only suggesting that the woman should stop “dwelling on the cheating…His intent was not to condone infidelity or to cast blame. We regret any misunderstanding.”)

Feminists Are Socialist, Lesbian Witches Who Kill Their Children

The only thing worse than a woman who drives her husband to cheat is a feminist. In a 1992 fund-raising letter, Robertson exposed the “feminist agenda” for what it really is. It’s “not about equal rights for women,” he wrote. “It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.”

Obama Incites Violence by Being Black

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Robertson’s vitriol isn’t solely reserved for gays and women. He believes that President Obama, for example, is “one of the most divisive leaders this country has ever had,” and blames his blackness, specifically, for perpetuating what he sees as “a tremendous amount of black-on-white violence.” Robertson was discussing the three teenagers—two black, one white—who shot and killed an Australian baseball player in Oklahoma this summer. “I have a feeling that instead of bringing racial harmony, having an African American president has exacerbated the problem,” he said. “[Obama] seems to be wanting to bring division among people instead of bringing them together.”