Best Self

Get Ready for Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop ‘Wellness Summit’

For those devastated that Paltrow has stepped back from her vagina steam-recommending lifestyle brand, Goop, fear not. She’s back with a one-day ‘wellness summit’ in Los Angeles.

Layne Murdoch Jr./Getty

Less than a year ago, Gwyneth Paltrow crushed Goop devotees and sent lifestyle content machines into a panicked tailspin when she suggested she was stepping back from her lifestyle brand. “My dream is that one day no one will remember I had anything to do with it,” Paltrow said of Goop’s future at the 2016 Sage Summit in Chicago, adding that the brand’s “scalability is limited” if she didn’t clip its wings and let it flourish without her.

Shattering, this was. How on earth would we do without such legendary pearls of advice, as why and how we should steam our vaginas?

But weep no more. The good news for Gwynnie’s legions of “clean”-living acolytes is not only is the health-and-wellness guru still the face and spirit of Goop, she’s introducing her brand to the interactive, flesh-and-blood conference industry with her first ever “wellness summit” in Los Angeles this June.

The summit, “In Goop Health,” will feature a “series of panels, keynotes, and restorative interactive sessions from the health-defining doctors and experts we rely on at goop” on June 10, according to her website. Having read Gwynnie’s discursive blog posts about every obscure healing modality, Amazonian aphrodisiac, and ancient cancer-fighting superfood under the sun, you can try many of them yourself during this “one intensive (but fun) day” program.

Fancy sweating out toxins while making primal animal noises in Taryn Toomey’s cult workout craze, “The Class,” then rehydrating with a nutrient-dense IV-drip that may or may not be, well, bullshit? Getting a chakra cleanse with Goop’s in-house crystal shaman before heading off to a keynote discussion about so-called Postnatal Depletion with Dr. Oscar Serrallach, a family practitioner in rural Australia? “In Goop Health” summit offers all of this and everything else your fad-chasing heart desires.

The “one intensive (but fun) day” program includes a long list of “talent” culled from Gwynnie’s rolodex of friends and mentors: Cameron Diaz; Girls creators Lena Dunham and Jenni Konner; couples therapist and Mating in Captivity author Esther Perel; Clean Program founder Dr. Alexander Junger, whose alternative medicine practice has been criticized for lacking scientific merit; good ol’ Dr. Phil; Conscious Uncoupling expert Dr. Habib Sadeghi; a number of “integrative” and “holistic” practitioners; and Anthony William, the Medical Medium author and self-declared healer who purports to be an actual medium for a “divine voice that literally speaks into his ear,” according to promotional materials for his book.

“In Good Health” promises to be equal parts woo-woo festival and business conference, part of a well-trod yet still growing empowerment industry. Gwynnie herself will be there too, of course, moderating the event. “The fact that our readers get to experience this live is a game changer,” Paltrow told Fast Company of the summit.

Tickets come in three tiers, ranging from $500 to $1500 and of course they are named after crystals, the trendiest New Age, chakra-balancing accessory of-the-moment.

The $500 “Lapis” ticket includes access to every panel and keynote, “wellness activations” like crystal therapy and aura photography, clean and gourmet food and drinks from brands like Moon Juice and Tropicana Probiotics, and a $200 “adult goody bag” of Goop-endorsed products. Tory Burch, who is featured under “Talent,” is sponsoring the event alongside brands like Lifehouse Tonics and Tito’s gluten-free vodka, the event’s official alcohol sponsor.

Those who wish to meet Gwynnie will have to shell out $1500 for the “Clear Quartz” experience, which includes “lunch with GP and select panelists,” a private sound bath session with Sara Auster, Tumi luggage “packed with $500 of products we love,” $50 to spend on more products in “goop hall” (a mugwort vaginal steam machine, anyone?) on top of everything the $500 and $1000 tickets offer.

“We really wanted to put together a program that could change someone’s life,” Elise Loehnen, Goop’s editorial director, told Vanity Fair of the summit, making it sound like Paltrow’s posh answer to the Landmark Forum, the three-day intensive self-improvement program during which people confess their deepest fears to an auditorium of strangers and find meaning in life through the realization that life is meaningless.

“That was sort of the abiding thesis,” Loehnen continued. “Instead of breaking up the day into multiple tracks—which you might want at something more business-oriented where you are really looking to extract the things that are of value to you—we decided to do a single room, and all be together, and architect the day in a way that we could create a paradigm shift for people or bring things to their attention that they might not have considered.”

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So there you have it. Gwynnie and her Goop show are coming to you live in Los Angeles, where she will surely prove to be the world’s chicest health-and-wellness evangelist.