Horoscopes: The week of March 27

With Mercury in retrograde and the moon plowing over planets, this could be a wild week. In a new column, astrologers Starsky + Cox predict what's in store for you and your favorite celebs—like Lady Gaga, who celebrates her 25th this week.

With Mercury in retrograde and the moon plowing over planets, this could be a wild week. In a new column, astrologers Starsky + Cox predict what's in store for you and your favorite celebs.


As the Moon flies off to a party of five other planets in Aries, you feel fully pumped, poised to kick career and creative goals into high gear. Trouble is, self-discipline eludes you as Saturn opposes your sign. So go the extra mile to make peace with this particular planetary power, embracing efficiency and economy in your dealings. Keep your cards close to the vest this week if you wish to retain the energy of your plans and epiphanies. This also wards against others’ finger-pointing at a failure to deliver should you change direction. Keeping your own confidence is precisely how you build it.

Celebrity Aries: Lady Gaga (March 28,1985) As the first sign of the zodiac, Aries are considered the astrological equivalent of infants—which could explain the pop star's ability to get away with constantly appearing in public sans pants.


Mercury grinding to retrograde by Wednesday gives you a breather. You’ve been in output overdrive, disseminating information every which way; the concern is that the clarity of your messages is being compromised by your need for speed. But you’re now granted a grace period to dot I’s and cross T’s. You can calm nerves about being lost in a crowd, too. If anything, group settings provide opportunities to distinguish your unique voice and talents. You also reconcile a Geminian duality, (re)discovering that a desire for dough and doing good deeds isn’t mutually exclusive.

FAMOUS GEMINI: Aaron Sorkin (June 9, 1961) Though he’s not a twin, The Social Network’s Oscar-winning screenwriter penned language for the infamous Mark Zuckerberg-hating Winklevii.


Your personal stock is on the rise. Already, money is being made more quickly and easily. Still, you must understand that your most precious commodity is Time. And the cosmos bids you use it well. So take inventory of existing commitments. Stop double-booking. Tick items off the yellowing to-do list. And invest in frivolous goodies you’ve hankered for. In fact, Venus in Pisces says that the more you exhibit self-appreciation, the more you appreciate in the eyes of those who may be overly relying on your hard work and devotion. And don’t underestimate the value of a kooky idea—it could be pure gold.

FAMOUS CANCER: Richard Simmons (July 12, 1948) As a member of the most sensitive sign in the Zodiac, it’s no wonder this formerly overweight fitness guru has such a big heart—though it remains unclear why he also has such big hair (and such tiny shorts).


Be prepared to inhabit a fix-it role in nearly every arena of your life now. Work, especially, sees you getting kinks out of gnarly systems and operations. You may have to play Svengali, grooming others for success. But beware of projection here—Leo males, in particular, can be tagged chauvinist Pygmalions—as the lion’s share of focus should be on updating your own style, schtick, and technological savvy. Mercury retrograde, from Wednesday, may glitch long-range travel, legal, or study plans—a blessing in disguise as you are clear and present to scoop up thrilling opportunities from out of left field.

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FAMOUS LEO: Martin Sheen (August 3, 1940) He may be the lion, but this legendary actor gave birth to Hollywood’s most notorious “tiger”— Charlie Sheen. Perhaps the elder Sheen’s grandchildren now have tiger blood running through their veins.


Having sex on the brain may be symptomatic of something more serious than a Spring-fevered libido. It points to your urge to merge so deeply with someone that you function as a unit. That said, relationships, or a lack thereof, have been a pain in the recent past. The good news is that Saturn has been rewiring your Virgo power of attraction, and is now testing out this new grid as evidenced by a sudden surge in suitors. This planet has one strict requirement: that you retain more authority than usual in interpersonal bonds. It will help you welcome new or renewed love interests, but prevent you from becoming a doormat.

FAMOUS VIRGO: Stephen King (September 21, 1947) This thriller author is certainly no meek virgin. In fact, the bestselling master of suspense thinks penning a good novel is a lot like being good in bed. “In writing as in sex, the best advice is to relax and let nature take her course,” King once said.


A lineup of planets in your opposite sign activates your astral zone of “others.” As abstract as this may sound, what we’re really dealing with now is the other-ness in you. That is to say, traits lifted from those you admire and characteristics you’ve yet to even develop. People are having a major impact on you at present, and you are meant to take whole pages from their books. Saturn in your sign will keep things real, refining elements in your make-up that smack of affectation. It makes things your own. But you must work with this planet, consciously evolving these qualities into signature moves and style.

FAMOUS LIBRA: Olivia Newton-John (September 26, 1948) The woman best known as Grease’s leading songstress Sandy has mastered every variety of her sign’s symbol: the scales. She can sing them with her eyes closed—and also conquered the weight scales, since we all know she likes to get physical (physical).


Like it or not, the cosmos commands you to probe beyond deceiving appearances to root out others’ hidden agendas. There is much meaning to be gleaned, too, from your own subconscious motivations, Freudian slip-ups, and dreams. Keep pen and paper bedside. Turn your attention inward, objectively scanning all your subjective thoughts and emotions. In so doing, you begin to untie psychological knots that have blocked expression, and to ditch knee-jerk attitudes founded in past disappointment. Don’t worry about seeming self-absorbed—others see you as deep, intense, and mysterious.

FAMOUS TAURUS: Chris Brown (May 5, 1989) The notorious hip-hop star recently apologized for his window-smashing behind-the-scenes behavior at Good Morning America, allegedly fueled by questions about his abuse towards his former girlfriend Rihanna. Is Brown being sincere or— like the symbol for his sign—is he simply full of bull?


Expect a rollercoasting week as Mother Moon plows over planets, moshing in your sector of daily routines. On the job, there are new characters in the mix, and you must confront control issues as you delegate responsibilities to them. You’ve wanted increased freedom and fewer decisions to make, so here you go. Can you now concentrate on the intellectual/artistic aspirations you’ve complained about having no time/energy for? Or are you just making excuses not to pursue them? Change takes effort. As does kicking habits you should’ve outgrown with adolescent crushes. Actually, you might get over those, too.

FAMOUS SCORPIO: Whoopi Goldberg (November 13, 1949) Though it was recently revealed that she got high prior to accepting her Oscar for Ghost, subdued is not a word one would use to describe the outspoken Goldberg. On The View, we often see her scorpion claws (and Crocs) come out.


When it comes to turning heartfelt passions into professional enterprises, you see the big picture and can envision every pay-off. But digging in and doing what it takes to bring about desired results unleashes a storm of edgy emotions. In cahoots with Neptune, planet of imagination, and Chiron, the healer, Venus is like your favorite teacher growing up, coaxing you to create without judging or editing yourself. We understand your need to excel, but right now it's holding you back. You must be willing to be just average, then slowly improve to the brand of blinding brilliance that—yes—only you can achieve.

FAMOUS SAGITTARIUS: Ed Harris (November 28, 1950) He has yet to play a centaur—the creature with which his sign identifies—but this Academy Award winner may have the opportunity to put his symbolic astrological archery to good use: we’ll next see him as John McCain in the HBO adaptation of Game Change, shooting caribou alongside Julianne Moore as Sarah Palin.


Pluto in Capricorn makes for challenging aspects to a pack of planets in your domestic sector, signaling major change here—if only in your concept of home. For starters, you must eliminate excess, so, if you wished, you could decamp on a dime. No room for over-sentimentality in this task. Next, carve out some solo space—Keep Out!—surrounding yourself with talismans and testaments to your achievements. The thing is, you may already live in your spiritual home and scarcely know it. If not, you will have created a more conducive environment for realizing next move(s), both real and metaphoric.

FAMOUS CAPRICORN: Tiger Woods (December 30, 1975) True to his introverted, career-driven astrological qualities, Tiger Woods was one of the most well-respected and successful golfers ever—until that whole sex-addict, sleeping-with-15-women thing.


The Moon transits mystical Neptune in your sign, indicating a need to lead with your imagination, a word that happens to share the same root as magic. Try an experiment: Envision your life unfolding as in a lucid dream; that is to say, manifesting according to your desires. But be advised that the power to realize your wishes is lost if they are too selfishly motivated. What you conjure should in no way injure others. With this clarity of mind, expect a series of synchronicities to characterize the coming days. And as a rule: Life must be allowed to work its miracles. Pushing for them is an exercise in futility.

FAMOUS AQUARIUS: Oprah Winfrey (January 29, 1954) As the Zodiac’s water bearer, this media mogul and her fellow sign-mates are said to symbolically provide the world with life and food. Winfrey has been known to shower her audience with diamond watches, trips to Australia, and cars—but of course, these are just a few of her favorite things.


Karmic payback is yours as Venus and Pluto form a bond. But no gloating lest you erode the full effect. There is no harm, however, in noting that where you were once the victim in situations, you are now suddenly the victor. Let this be a lesson: When you next meet with quote-unquote punishment by another’s hand, know that it’s a cosmic reward in the making. Insert fashion metaphor here: It’s a wardrobe update of sorts—hair shirts and heavy-cross accessories are so passé, Pisces. Your sole must-wear is a knowing smile. As cutesy as this sounds, it’s a serious part of your prep for impending big opportunities.

FAMOUS PISCES: Steve Jobs (February 24, 1955) Apple’s CEO belongs to the most watery of the 12 astrological signs, which means it is the most malleable—the Zodiac’s fishes are on a constant quest to adapt to the point of obnoxiousness. You can confirm that on your iPhone 6, which will be invisible, literally paper thin, and released the day after the iPhone 5 hits stores.

Plus: Check out more of the latest entertainment, fashion, and culture coverage on Sexy Beast—photos, videos, features, and Tweets.

Writers and astrologers Stella Starsky and Quinn Cox are the internationally best-selling authors of Sextrology and Cosmic Coupling and have contributed to Paris Vogue, Allure, Elle and Style.com. They are metaphysical consultants in private practice. Their live musical comedy act of starry wit and social commentary is regularly staged at venerable venues like Joe’s Pub at the Public Theater in New York.