From Henry VIII to Prince Harry, getting the hottest chicks has always been one of the perks of the job of being a member of the Royal family. And the complicated sex lives of the lustier European Kings and Queens have always been a subject of endless discussion and speculation among their subjects. And, given the hereditary principle, who can blame us?
In former times, it was quite acceptable for a King to have many mistresses. See poor King George II (1683-1760) who was quite happily married to his wife, Queen Caroline, but took mistresses to maintain his reputation. A mistress-less king could be thought of as weak, or, worse still, gay.
Times have changed, of course, and now a neo-puritanical ideal for how royal families should comport themselves sexually pervades.
But, as is clearly shown by the recently publicized antics of Juan Carlos, the former King of Spain, who is facing a paternity suit from a Belgian woman, and Prince Andrew, who has been accused in court papers of having sex with an unidentified 17-year-old—a charge he vigorously denies—the sex lives of the royals are still just as intriguingly complex as they have ever been.
But how do you keep your fornicating nobles straight? With the Royalist’s handy guide to the biggest Royal Lotharios, of course…
Until the Epstein scandal, Prince Andrew’s sex life hasn’t been such big news since he dated Koo Stark in the 1980’s. Back then, he was the handsome warrior prince freshly returned from the Falklands War who had jokingly greeted his mother, the Queen, with a red rose clasped between his teeth on the dockside.
The relationship with Koo didn’t last—courtiers disapproved and the final straw came when a mildly pornographic film with a lesbian shower scene called Emily in which she had participated surfaced—but Andrew went on to date some of the finest posh totty in the land throughout the 1980s.
Various stage actresses and dancers were among his conquests, including Ruthie Henshall, beauty queen Carolyn Seaward (who was Miss UK 1980), and Vicki Hodge, the naughty daughter of Sir John Rowland Hodge, who starred in the 1974 film Confessions Of A Sex Maniac and later sold details of her romance with Andrew to the press.
Andrew’s marriage to Sarah Ferguson in 1986 produced two children, Beatrice and Eugenie, but the couple separated in 1992 and were officially divorced four years later.
Post-separation, Andrew renewed his Lothario lifestyle, dating among many others Denise Martell, a former Playboy model, who claimed to have had a three-day fling with Andrew in the course of which he asked her to tuck him into bed.
Other reported girlfriends have included PR girls Aurelia Cecil and Caroline Stanbury, and the businesswoman Amanda Staveley, whom he came close to marrying. In an interview with the Financial Times, Stavely refused to confirm or deny that she had “turned her back” on a marriage proposal, saying only that Andrew was a “very considerate boyfriend” and a “very special man”.
Oddly, Andrew and Sarah Ferguson still share a family home, Royal Lodge in Windsor Great Park, much to Prince Philip’s dismay. Girlfriends are even, on occasion, taken to the amazing 17th-century mansion, which he inherited from the late Queen Mother (the swimwear model Angie Everhart apparently stayed there).
That must make for interesting conversations round the breakfast table.
What more do we know of this royal Lover Man’s style? Well, one former girlfriend, according to a Vanity Fair profile of the prince, said that one of his bedroom routines is to jokingly model his girlfriends' underwear.
The most bizarre incident of recent times came when Courtney Love announced on-air during an interview with Russell Brand on Britain's Channel 4 that Andrew had turned up at her house at 1 in the morning, looking “to party."
Andrew’s spokesman was forced to admit the Prince had visited her house, but claimed the prince—teetotal since the age of 19—only had a cup of tea.
When the sad day comes, almost every obituary of Prince Philip will refer, in suitably oblique terms, to the Queen’s husband’s reputation as a ladies man.
A month before his wife gave birth to Charles, Philip was introduced to Pat Kirkwood, “the first of the showgirls with whom he was rumored to have had an affair,” according to Philip Eade in his biography The Young Prince Philip. The critic Kenneth Tynan once pronounced Kirkwood’s legs to be “the eighth wonder of the world.”
According to Eade, in his youth Philip was a member of a lunch club that enjoyed “rip-roaring stag parties” every Thursday. Other members included editors of the Daily Express and the Daily Mail, as well as Kim Philby, Peter Ustinov, and David Niven. Stephen Ward, the society osteopath who provided prostitutes to government minister John Profumo, was also in the club.
Eade recounts the rumor that Philip was the mysterious “man in the mask” who had served dinner to Ward’s guests wearing only a small lace apron, and the gossip magazine Private Eye thereafter took to calling Philip “The Naked Waiter.”
Other women with whom he has been linked include Italian Countess Bonnie Frescobaldi, actress Anna Massey, and Jane, Countess of Westmorland.
Philip denies all the rumors, saying: "How could I? I've had a detective in my company, night and day, since 1947."
Prince Charles has had a varied love life. In 1974, Lord Mountbatten, his godfather, advised him: "In a case like yours, the man should sow his wild oats and have as many affairs as he can before settling down, but for a wife he should choose a suitable, attractive, and sweet-charactered girl before she has met anyone else she might fall for...It is disturbing for women to have experiences if they have to remain on a pedestal after marriage."
Robert Lacey, quoting the letter in his book The Queen, sums up this advice as, “Fuck ‘em all, then a marry a virgin.”
Charles is in many ways the last royal heir to be brought up being told that it was quite normal, indeed character-building, for a Prince of Wales to have a mistress. Aside from his relationship with Camilla (“My great-grandmother was the mistress of your great-great-grandfather,” was Camilla’s reputed come-on line when she met Charles, “So how about it?”) he also reportedly had a fling with Aussie blond bombshell Kanga Tryon, who met Charles in Australia back in 1966 when Charles spent two terms at Geelong Grammar School in Victoria.
Harry has bounced between the arms of several young blonde things since separating from his long-term girlfriend Chelsy after the Royal wedding in 2012.
Harry has been linked to a number of posh, pretty girls, including Astrid Harbord, whom he took back to Clarence House after a night out, and lingerie model Florence Brudenell-Bruce.
And what of his relationship with Princess Beatrice’s friend Cressida Bonas? Definitely off, we hear.
A Certain European Prince
One of Europe’s royal playboys, although now happily married, was widely rumored to have conducted secret gay affairs and held lavish sex parties with one-way mirrors. “Quite disgusting but very good fun,” says a source.
A new book by Spanish writer Pilar Eyre claims that former king Juan Carlos has had over 1500 lovers – and actually names almost 100 of them. He is rumored to have had an affair with Princess Diana on holiday in 1986, which puts him the royal super-shagger league.
King Henry VIII remains the royal by whom the randiness of all the rest are judged. Henry was like a male Elizabeth Taylor - the only difference being that when he grew tired of his spouses, they had a one-in-three chance of being beheaded.
His thirst for a never-ending stream of new wives had dramatic consequences for the British nation. His serial monogamy led directly to the split with Rome and the establishment of Protestantism as the national creed.
Henry came to the throne an 18-year-old virgin, and was first married to the widow of his brother, Catherine of Aragon, and did not embark on his first affair until 1514, when Catherine was pregnant (it was believed that having sex with a woman while pregnant could cause miscarriage).
He had affairs with several noblewomen at court, producing numerous illegitimate children, including one with Mary Boleyn, the sister of his second wife, Anne Boleyn (see Philippa Gregory’s book, The Other Boleyn Girl). Anne and Mary’s ambitious father offered his wife to the King, but Henry declined, with the immortal words, “Never with the mother,” according to the writer Nigel Cawthorne’s book on the subject, “Sex Lives of the Kings and Queens of England”.
In his later life, Henry would send the artist Holbein overseas to paint portraits of prospective lovers and wives. Anne of Cleves didn’t live up to her picture, and he dubbed her “the mare of Flanders.”
When his fifth wife, Catherine Howard, was beheaded for adultery, Henry celebrated by throwing a party with 26 ladies at his table. It was not a case of like father, like son, however: Edward VI, Henry’s sickly son, died a virgin.