Irish Eyes Are Wildin’

Irish Government Goes Full Caligula, Legalizing Drugs and Banning Heterosexuality for a Day

While molly, magic mushrooms and crystal meth are legal for 24 hours due to a legal loophole, Ireland’s Health Minister is urging residents not to take advantage of it.

Ireland, for one day only, accidentally legalized the possession of a litany of drugs. Don’t worry—it was only the scariest and most disorienting ones.

Due to a ruling in the Court of Appeals in Ireland, the 1977 Misuse of Drugs Act has been deemed unconstitutional. But while the Irish Government works to close a loophole, drugs including ecstasy, ketamine and crystal meth are now legal.

The sale, supply, import and export of those drugs remain illegal. Can’t win ’em all.

Health Minister Leo Varadkar, in an act of sheer buzz-killery, urged those tempted by the drugs’ newfound legality to consider the “potential harmful impact they might have.” A recommendation he makes to the no-doubt thousands of people who have their dealer’s number on speed dial and have their fingers twitching in anticipation, but have been put off solely by the illegality of drug use.

Curiously, as the ban is only on Class-A drugs, marijuana remains illegal. Because, even in times of Constitutional crisis, the Irish government is apparently still being paid off by William Randolph Hearst.

The wording to upcoming legislation of Same-Sex Marriage had to be altered today, too, over concerns it would make heterosexual marriage not necessarily legal (which is about time).

While that may come across as some “what if they married pigs” nonsense, the Same Sex Marriage Referendum, set to take place on May 22, has been all but decided. Recent polls by Irish polling entity Red C indicate that 59 percent “agree strongly” with the bill, while only 13 percent “strongly disagree.”

Problem is, language in the bill—when translated into English from Gaelic—can be read to dictate that only men can marry men and women can marry women.

They’re working on fixing that one with an amendment, so today would be a great time to stock up on “supplies” to make those marriage receptions even more special.

These legislative cock-ups are another setback for an Irish government who seems to be getting less popular by the minute. The current regime now has the support of under one-third of the Irish electorate.

When this government was elected, Ireland was on the brink of financial ruin, with unemployment and emigration numbers both on the rise. In the intervening years, Ireland has managed to reclaim some stability and has improved employment numbers—down to 10 percent unemployment from over 15 percent in 2012.

Yet the Fine Gael-led coalition has seen very few plaudits. Most of this can be attributed to the sort of glee that this government has shown dishing out austerity measures. A teacherly “because I said so” seems to characterize this government’s attitude toward the electorate. The Irish people had to survive through years of austerity budgets dictated by an IMF bailout, with some respite coming in the most recent end-of-year budget. But not enough. Fine Gael doesn’t seem to want to acknowledge the recovery as it does hand out the medicine.

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Case in point: Fine Gael and Labour’s colossal mishandling of its attempt to introduce meter-counted water charges throughout the country. Everything from money being unaccounted for, company directors giving themselves fat bonuses, data breaches, unclear wording in legislation—it truly is an A-to-Z of uniquely Irish political incompetence, coupled with a tone deaf and condescending response. Thousands have protested all over the country, with the government choosing to dismiss the protestors as radicals. So if you’re wondering why this government isn’t being rewarded for its seeming progress, it’s this: Never before has a government seemed like it has been listening less.

And then they legalized mushrooms and outlawed marriage between a man and a woman.

So, even if you don’t enjoy some drugs today, get high on the incompetence of the dopes whose only job was to keep obviously illegal things illegal doing the opposite.